"Welcome back sir," Major Samantha Carter stood to attention in front of her old commanding officer. After an absence of nearly two years Colonel Jack O'Neill was now back at Stargate Command as General Jack O'Neill and her delight at this was well hidden behind her professional stance and salute as General O'Neill exited the elevator and was met by his old second in command.
"Thank you Major, good to be back," the General said, returning her salute. Actually that wasn't true, Jack O'Neill was terrified about returning to the SGC. When he had requested a transfer he had hoped never to return here, never to see the familiar faces, never to have to face what he had done ever again. Time and the constant badgering of both, a ready to retire, General Hammond and the White House had finally worn him down and he now stood by the elevator, looking around and feeling much as he had on his first day at school.
"Shall I show you to your office sir?" Sam Carter asked, unsure how to treat the new Commanding Officer, unsure how he would want to play it.
"I think I know the way Major," Jack O'Neill said grimly "but okay, lead on." Sam nodded and headed in the direction of what used to be General Hammond's office and the Briefing Room while Jack O'Neill followed close behind.
Luckily it was a quiet time of day and Jack managed to reach the relative safety of his new office without meeting too many members of staff that remembered him. He had read all the reports he had been sent. He knew that many of the staff there would remember him as the leader of the now disbanded SG1 but he also knew, that as head of the facility, none of them would risk being familiar with him. His rank would ensure that everyone kept their distance, except, Jack O'Neill knew that there was someone at the SGC who he dreaded facing, someone who had been in his thoughts every day since his abrupt departure almost two years ago. Someone he had managed successfully to avoid ever since, someone who wouldn't treat him as a General, someone who had never followed his command even as a member of his team. His best friend, his ex-lover, the man who had been responsible for his departure and now, in some ways, was responsible for his return. Dr Daniel Jackson.
Jack spent the day holed up in his office dealing with paperwork and familiarising himself with the day to day running of the facility. He had arranged a meeting for the following morning when he would meet all the Heads of Departments and he prayed for the strength to get through it. He hadn't kept in touch with his friends once he had left. He had forced himself to leave the past behind him. He didn't want to hear any news. Initially phone calls had been made, e-mails sent and, on one occasion, a letter had been received which Jack had burned without opening. He didn't want any reminders of what he had done, he convinced himself that he could put it all behind him but now here he was preparing to face it all again, despite his reluctance.
It was a sleepless night for Jack as he went over and over the scenario that had led to his departure from the SGC. He had lost track of how many nights he had lain awake reliving the mission that had led to the end of an era, the disbanding of SG1, Teal'c's departure to work with the Tok'ra, Major Carter's decision to work as a technical consultant and Dr Daniel Jackson, if his intelligence was correct, to eventually take over as Head of the Archaeology and Linguistic Department.
By 5 o'clock, as dawn was breaking, Jack gave up trying to sleep and made his way into the kitchen to make some tea. He had never been able to bear the taste or smell of coffee since he had split from his lover. Daniel had been the coffee connoisseur; the smell of freshly brewed coffee had hung in the atmosphere of the house when Daniel had stayed there. Once Jack had ended their relationship he had refused to buy or even drink the stuff, the memories were just too strong.
As Jack sat in the early morning sunlight sipping his hot tea he allowed his memories of their relationship to surface. At first, after the mission, he hadn't been able to bear to remember their time together, it hurt too much. Now, with the passage of time and with the meeting with his ex-lover getting nearer Jack allowed himself to remember. He smiled as he remembered how Daniel had looked first thing in the morning, tousled hair, glowing from his shower, his nose searching out the aroma of the coffee he knew Jack would have brewing for him. Jack smiled sadly. He had made a mistake, a bad one and it had cost him everything he held dear. His lover, his team, his job.....He pulled himself back to the present. He was a General now; he had to hold it together. It had been two years; Daniel would have moved on, they could be civil within the SGC and never need meet socially. It would be fine, he would cope....
Jack watched steely eyed as all the Heads of Departments filed into the Briefing Room. He was watching for one person and, as a familiar face came into view, Jack's heart somersaulted.
Daniel looked well, he was obviously not spending all his time in the mountain, he had a healthy tan, his short hair shone and his eyes sparkled. As Daniel's blue eyes met Jack's brown ones his face paled. He knew who the new SGC Commander was and he had told himself that everything that had happened between them was in the past but it had only taken one quick glance into those brown eyes to make him realise that it wasn't over by a long way.
Daniel didn't hear a word of the welcome briefing. The voices buzzed around him as he sat, eyes down, trying to compose himself. It had taken a long time for him to come to terms with the fact that his lover had left him, that he hadn't been able to handle things. Gradually, thanks to the help and encouragement of friends such as Sam Carter, Teal'c and Janet Fraiser, he had re-built his life but Jack O'Neill had broken his heart and that would never mend.
Eventually the briefing ended and everyone gathered up their papers and filed out of the room. As Daniel prepared to leave the room Jack stopped him.
"Dr Jackson, do you have a moment?" Jack asked.
Daniel turned to face his ex-lover, his face impassive. "General?" he said making eye contact, his gaze never wavering, his face unreadable.
Jack immediately gave up any hope he might have had of having a friendly conversation. His heart sank, he should have realised Daniel would never forgive him, why should he? Hell he couldn't even forgive himself.
"I hope our past history won't affect our new working relationship doctor," Jack said, brown eyes hard as they met Daniel's blue ones.
Daniel's voice was calm and controlled. "You can be assured our relationship will be totally professional General," he said turning to leave.
"Good, I wouldn't want past issues to get in the way of us doing a good job here," Jack continued, willing Daniel to crack, to show some hint of his true feelings.
"Indeed not, General," Daniel said coldly. "I think I have enough problems without adding to them, don't you?"
It gave Daniel a small degree of satisfaction to see how his remark had hurt Jack O'Neill as he spun his wheelchair round and rolled out of the Briefing Room, his heart thudding wildly.
Jack sank down into his chair, his legs trembling and his heart pounding. He wanted to call Daniel back, to tell him he hadn't meant it, that he still loved him, that he begged his forgiveness. One look at Daniel's face had told Jack O'Neill all he needed to know. Daniel Jackson would never forgive him for what he had done.
Daniel reached the safety of his office and closed the door behind him. His heart was thumping and his hands were trembling. He had told himself that Jack O'Neill meant nothing to him anymore. Any feelings he had were long dead. Jack had left him, left him to cope alone, left him just when Daniel had needed him the most and Daniel had vowed that he would never forgive Jack for that.
He dropped his head into his hands and groaned. All it had taken was one look from those brown eyes to crack the wall that Daniel had carefully built up between himself and the man he had been two years ago. Now the wall was going to tumble down and Daniel didn't think he had the resilience to cope. He had known this day might come and he had prepared for it. He wheeled himself over to his desk and opened a drawer. There it was his resignation, typed and signed. He took it out and stared at it for a moment before reaching for a pen and writing General Jack O'Neill's name on the envelope.
Before he could change his mind Daniel slipped the envelope down the side of his chair cushion and propelled himself out of his office and towards the elevator. This had to be the final cut, sharp and clean. He could find a job lecturing somewhere, he knew his days of digging and excavating were over but his mind was as good as ever and he was confident he could spend his time passing on his knowledge to others. His body and his heart had been broken two years ago. He had learned to live with his broken body and the pain of his broken heart had dulled to an ache that he was used to but he couldn't bear the thought of old wounds being re-opened. He had to get away from Jack O'Neill.
Daniel took a deep breath before knocking on Jack's office door.
"Come," the familiar voice called, muffled by the closed door.
Daniel leaned forward and turned the handle before sinking back in his chair and wheeling himself into the office.
Afterwards Daniel would always remember the look of horror on Jack's face as he realised who his visitor was.
"Dr Jackson, what can I do for you?" Jack said, his face pale and his knuckles white as he gripped the pen in his hand.
Daniel didn't bother to speak he merely wheeled himself towards Jack's desk and then reached for the envelope and casually tossed it onto the blotter in front of Jack.
"What's this?" Jack asked risking a glance into Daniel's unsmiling face.
"My resignation, General, I'd like to leave as soon as possible."
"Daniel, please..." Jack stood up, holding onto the edge of his desk as he felt his legs shaking.
Daniel spun his chair around and wheeled himself out of the office as quickly as he could. His heart was hammering in his chest as he punched the elevator button and heaved a sigh of relief as the metal doors closed and he was alone. As the elevator sank to his level Daniel wondered how soon he could realistically leave the SGC. He wondered if he could use up all his leave to bring the time nearer. He didn't think he could face Jack again, it was just too hard. As the elevator doors opened Sam was standing there.
"I've been looking for you, how are you?" she asked concerned at how Daniel would have coped with meeting his ex-lover again.
"I'm fine," came the stock answer as Daniel headed down the corridor towards his office. Sam followed him.
"Daniel?" she knew how Daniel had suffered when Jack had left the SGC so abruptly. She had been there, she had been one of the people who had helped Daniel piece his life back together again and now she was one of the people who was worried what was going to happen to him now.
"I've resigned Sam," Daniel finally said. He raised his face and she saw the tears pooling in his deep blue eyes. "I couldn't do it, I can't do it, I have to get away, right away," Daniel gabbled as he started stacking the piles of papers on his desk.
"Daniel, wait," Sam placed her hand over his, stilling its movement and immediately sensing the tension in her friend's body.
Daniel stopped, his hands dropped into his lap and he seemed to sag in his chair. He shook his head as he held his arms out and saw how they trembled.
"Look at me, for two years I've been coping, re-building my life and now what, he comes back and I'm acting like this." Daniel laughed weakly.
"You knew it would be hard Daniel," Sam reminded him, "but you need to talk to him, get everything out in the open. Tell him how you feel, listen to his explanations."
"What possible explanation could he give for leaving me like that?" Daniel snapped. "He couldn't cope with this," Daniel waved his hand over his paralysed legs. "It was easier for him to cut and run than to face having a lover in a wheelchair, than to have to make some lame excuse for ending our relationship."
Sam couldn't answer. She didn't know the reason for Jack O'Neill's sudden departure any more than Daniel did. She only knew that Jack had loved Daniel more than anything and she couldn't believe that it was just the thought of his disability that had made Jack leave.
As Sam and Daniel sat in silence the door burst open and Jack O'Neill stood framed in the light from the corridor.
"Leave us Major," he said, stepping aside to allow Sam to leave the office.
"Daniel?" Sam hesitated, unsure what to do.
"It's okay Sam," he murmured, never raising his eyes. She glanced at Jack O'Neill, he may be her commanding officer but Daniel was her friend and the look in her eyes warned Jack O'Neill that he would have her to deal with if Daniel was hurt again. The door closed quietly and the two men were alone in the silent office.
Daniel sat quietly and waited for Jack O'Neill to speak. Jack paced the office for a few moments before turning to face Daniel. He scrubbed his fingers through his wiry grey hair.
"Daniel we need to talk, I need to explain..."
"I think you gave up that right a couple of years ago Jack," Daniel said, his voice and demeanour not betraying the turmoil he felt inside.
"Don't you think I know that, don't you think I've thought about what happened every day and every night for the past two years?" Jack said, his voice cracking.
"I have exactly been able to forget what happened myself," Daniel said sarcastically.
Jack reached for a chair and sat down heavily, dropping his head into his hands. He had never seen Daniel in a wheelchair until today. When he had left the SGC Daniel had still been in bed in the infirmary. The sight of his friend, his lover, his soul mate in the chair was like a stab in the heart for Jack. It brought home to him how he had failed Daniel, how he should have stopped it happening. If he had blamed himself before for the accident now, with the evidence in front of him, he blamed himself even more; he hated himself for what he had done.
"What do you want me to say Jack?" Daniel said quietly. "That I forgive you for leaving me, that you did the right thing?"
Jack raised his head, "Daniel...."
"You left me Jack," Daniel said, "you left me when I needed you the most."
"Daniel, I..."
"Do you know how it felt Jack, do you know what it's like to be told that you're never going to walk again and by the way your partner can't cope with the news and has done a runner?"
"Daniel, please..." Jack wanted Daniel to stop talking. His head was pounding, words of explanation were swirling around in his head but he couldn't utter a sensible word.
"Get out Jack," Daniel said spinning his chair around so that his back was to his ex-lover. He didn't want Jack to see the tears, the trembling. Didn't want Jack to know how much it still hurt.
He sat still and silent until he heard Jack get up and quietly leave the office and, once the door had closed behind him, Daniel allowed himself to breath again and then the tears came. Tears he had held back for two years, even at his lowest Daniel had refused to cry and now here he was blubbing like a baby. He reached up and swiped the pile of papers off his desk in one burst of anger. "Damn you Jack," he yelled before his anger subsided and he was left drained and with his office in one hell of a mess.
Jack tried to put Daniel to the back of his mind and concentrate on his new job. It worked for a while, Jack's training came in useful as he concentrated on the job in hand and pushed Daniel to the back of his mind. Except it didn't work forever. Each evening when Jack O'Neill got home thoughts he had pushed away all day came flooding back and he spent his evenings drinking beer and remembering and his nights sleepless, tossing and turning as memories surfaced.
He managed to keep out of Daniel's way at the SGC; it wasn't difficult. Their offices were on different levels and General O'Neill had little call to visit the Archaeology Department. Jack knew this wasn't the answer, he knew things couldn't continue like this. He had ripped Daniel's resignation letter up but Daniel wasn't the type to let it go. At some point he would be back, asking questions about his leaving date, pestering Jack to let him go. Jack had to be ready, he had to have the words this time, he had to be able to explain. But how? How do you explain to someone why you left them lying in an infirmary bed, why you left them to cope with the news that their life had changed irrevocably in one instance?
Jack didn't know how but he knew he was damned well going to have to find out how before his next meeting with Dr. Daniel Jackson.
Jack watched as SG6 came through the wormhole.
"De-brief in one hour gentlemen," he said as they stepped off the ramp.
".....and the writings were like nothing I'd seen before," Senior Airman Terrell finished off his report.
"Did you take some video footage of them?" Jack checked. Terrell nodded, holding up his camera.
"Show it to Dr. Jackson," Jack ordered, ready to end the briefing and get back to the mound of paperwork on his desk.
"Dr. Jackson isn't in today sir," Terrell said, "I could show it to Dr. Barrell?"
"Do that," Jack said standing up as a signal for SG6 to leave.
Jack walked into his office. He avoided seeing Daniel around the SGC whenever possible so it was unlikely he would ever know whether the man was in the mountain complex or not but now he was worried. He picked up the phone.
"Major Carter!"
"Carter why isn't Dan...." He paused and corrected himself..."Dr. Jackson working today?"
"I think he had a hospital appointment sir."
"Is there a problem?" Jack asked.
Yes there is, Sam thought to herself, you two need your heads banging together. "No sir, just a routine thing but he did say he was going to do some research at home today."
"Thank you Major," Jack said hanging up the phone. He made a decision, he would visit Daniel at home, they would be able to talk there without fear of interruptions. He stood up and then realised that he didn't even know where Daniel lived now. He doubted that the 3rd floor apartment he used to live in would be an option anymore. He pressed the button on the intercom on his desk.
"Sergeant, get me Dr. Jackson's home address," he barked.
Jack waved aside the offer of a driver to take him off Base. He jumped into his own car and, following the instructions from his Sergeant, he drove quickly to Daniel's bungalow, some 15 minutes drive down the mountain.
As he drove he tried to get his thoughts into some sort of order. He had to make Daniel understand why he left when he did. He had to make him understand why he couldn't stay around after the mission but most of all he had to make Daniel understand that he still loved him and he had, above all, to make him withdraw his resignation.
Jack pulled up outside the address the Sergeant had written down for him. He knew immediately it was the right house. He didn't know what sort of car Daniel drove now, if any, but he saw the ramps up to the front door and put two and two together. He sat in the car for a few moments trying to pluck up the courage to walk up to the front door and ring the bell. He was hoping to catch Daniel unaware but for all he knew the Sergeant had tipped him off that General O'Neill was on his way; or Daniel could even be watching him right now.
Pull yourself together O'Neill, Jack mentally ordered himself as he stepped out of the car and strode purposefully up the ramp and rang the doorbell before he could change his mind.
The Sergeant hadn't made the call and Daniel was working on the computer and so when the doorbell rang and Daniel opened it he was taken aback to see Jack O'Neill standing there.
"What do you want, is there a problem at the SGC?" Daniel said effectively blocking the entrance with his chair.
"We have to talk Daniel, and I guess this would be more private than the SGC, don't you?"
Daniel sighed "There's nothing to say Jack."
"I think there is." Jack stood his ground.
"Okay," Daniel reversed his chair slightly allowing Jack to step into the house and then he closed the door and turning he propelled his chair down the wide corridor and into a large sunny room.
"Coffee?" Daniel asked politely as Jack stood awkwardly in the centre of the room.
"I don't drink......okay coffee would be good," Jack said, surprising himself.
Daniel nodded and turning wheeled towards the kitchen area. Jack followed slowly and gazed around the kitchen in fascination. The bungalow had obviously been adapted for a disabled person and Jack marvelled at the low units, the extra space required for manoeuvring a wheelchair and how adept Daniel was at managing everything from a seated position, as he prepared the coffee.
"This is nice," Jack said as he looked around admiringly. "Lived here long?"
"Since I got out of the rehab centre just over a year ago," Daniel said pouring the coffee into two mugs. He turned to Jack.
"Would you mind?" He indicated the two mugs and Jack immediately realised that Daniel had no way of carrying the mugs and propelling his chair at the same time.
"Lead the way," Jack said picking up the mugs and following Daniel to the couch and low coffee table.
"Have a seat," Daniel offered indicating one of the comfortable armchairs. Jack put the mugs on the table and sat down. He watched in fascination as Daniel manoeuvred his chair into position, put the brakes on and then heaved himself out of the chair and onto the couch, lifting his useless legs into position and then settling back against the cushions.
He raised his head and met Jack's amazed gaze. He felt himself blush slightly.
"I could get pressure sores if I sit in one position too long," he explained.
Jack nodded, embarrassed by the ease with which Daniel appeared to view his disability, and sipped his coffee.
"So what do you want to talk about?" Daniel asked, breaking the uneasy silence.
Jack carefully placed the mug back on the table. His hands were trembling and he didn't want to spill it.
"Daniel I don't know what to say," Jack admitted meeting his host's intense blue gaze.
"Then let me start," Daniel said. "You left me Jack, I needed you more than I had ever needed anyone. I was frightened and in pain, I needed you to tell me everything was going to be alright, that we'd get through it together," Daniel's voice cracked, he swallowed. "I thought you loved me, if you couldn't face living with a cripple you could have said so, I would have accepted that.
"No, Daniel, it wasn't that," Jack interrupted. "It wasn't anything to do with you, it was me. I left because I couldn't face what I had done to you."
"You didn't do anything Jack....."
"Yes, I did, it was my fault, I should have seen the ambush, I should have realised that the natives weren't friendly, I should have been the last one through the Gate, I shouldn't have let you get hit, it was my fault....." Jack's impassioned voice trailed off and he found himself sobbing.
"Jack please, come here," Daniel begged. Jack shook his head miserably. He didn't deserve Daniel's forgiveness. Hell he couldn't forgive himself so why should this man forgive him. He was the reason Daniel was sitting in the wheelchair, living in this adapted bungalow, working as a consultant and not as a member of a first contact team. Him, him, him.
"Jack," Daniel's voice finally got through to the stricken man. He raised his head.
"Please come over here, it would be easier for me," Daniel said, risking a slight smile when realisation dawned on Jack that Daniel couldn't just jump up and cross the room, even if he had wanted to. He crossed the room and sat on the couch next to his host. Daniel heaved himself around so that he was facing Jack.
"Now I want you to listen to me," Daniel said. Jack nodded.
"It wasn't your fault Jack. I remember everything that happened on that mission, I went over and over it in my mind trying to work out what went wrong, where I went wrong. It was my job to make contact with the natives Jack and I failed." He held up his hand, as Jack seemed about to speak. "Let me finish, I've waited nearly two years to say this," Daniel demanded.
"I messed up Jack, I realise now that all the signs and symbols around the Gate were warnings but I ignored them, I wanted to do the 'we come in peace' thing and I nearly got us all killed. What happened to me wasn't your fault it was mine and if you've spent the last couple of years thinking it was yours then you're a bigger fool than I thought," Daniel finished.
"Daniel, I was the CO remember, you were my responsibility and I blew it," Jack argued.
"Oh screw you Jack," Daniel yelled "I was a big boy, I was able to take care of myself, what happened to me was carelessness, I thought I had read the signs right and I hadn't, I've learned to live with that and so should you."
Jack shook his head. "I've been a fool," he admitted. He raised his head to look into Daniel's face.
"Why didn't you answer my letter?" Daniel asked softly. "I wrote to you, explaining everything, telling you it was okay, begging you to come back, why didn't you answer it?"
Jack hung his head in embarrassment. "I didn't open it Daniel, I couldn't bear to think about you, I tried to bury all those memories, I thought I could do that and carry on but I couldn't. I was an idiot."
Daniel smiled sadly. "None of this need have happened Jack," he said quietly. "I didn't blame you then, I don't blame you now but I've missed you like hell."
"What happens now?" Jack asked brown eyes meeting blue.
Daniel shrugged. "It's difficult Jack, I can't just let go. It's been hard this past couple of years, I've changed, I've had to. I don't think I can just let you back in, you broke my heart and it's taken a hell of a long time to mend," Daniel admitted.
"Friends?" Jack ventured.
"Always," Daniel agreed, "now go and pour us some more coffee this will be cold by now."
Jack and Daniel spent a couple of hours together, chatting but not risking going into anything deep and meaningful for the moment. Their emotions were both raw, it was going to take a long time but they had taken the first steps to mend their relationship and that was all they could ask for.
Eventually Jack's bladder protested at the numerous mugs of coffee the pair had drunk. "I'll just....." Jack waved his hand in the direction of the bathroom.
Daniel nodded, "second door on the left," he instructed. While Jack was relieving himself Daniel hoisted himself back into his chair and lifted his paralysed legs onto the footrests. He felt uncomfortable about Jack seeing this sort of thing, he wasn't sure why, but for now he preferred to play down his disability until he was sure Jack was able to cope. He was just raising himself to adjust his rear on the gel cushion when Jack reappeared.
"Fancy bathroom," Jack said watching as Daniel lowered himself back into the chair and released the brakes. Jack had been fascinated by the grab rails and sit down shower and the space, obviously necessary for Daniel to be able to move about and transfer himself from one place to another. It had made him realise how little he actually knew about Daniel's day to day life now.
"Yeah, it's great," Daniel said wheeling towards the front door.
"Back at work tomorrow?" Jack asked as he stepped outside.
Daniel nodded.
"See you then," Jack said unsure quite how to take his leave. Daniel nodded and reversed his chair out of the doorway and back into the hall ready to close the door. Jack took his cue and raising his hand in a half wave, half salute, he walked down the ramp and back to his car. When he turned back to the house the front door was closed. He sighed and drove back to the SGC a happier man.
"So what happened?" Sam asked that evening as she leaned over the kitchen counter watching as Daniel grilled steaks for the two of them.
"We talked, got a few things sorted out," Daniel admitted as he turned the steaks.
"How do you feel?" Sam persisted. She had been there, she knew just how hard Jack's departure had been for Daniel. She had stuck by him through the long weeks in the infirmary, the months struggling to learn new skills at the rehabilitation centre and his eventual return to the SGC. She had helped him choose this house, helped plan the adaptations, chose furniture and fabrics, colour schemes and she had always been there for Daniel when he wanted to talk and even when he didn't.
"I don't know," Daniel admitted. "It was strange, I must have planned a thousand times what I would say, what he would say, you know?"
Sam nodded.
"It wasn't what I expected. I wanted to hate him for what he did but I found myself feeling sorry for him and hating myself."
"Different," Sam commented as she arranged salad on their plates.
"I don't know where we go from here Sam," Daniel said. "I've changed a lot in the past couple of years, I've had to," he laughed bitterly. "I don't know if I'm ready to take him back or if I even want to."
"Take it slow, Daniel," Sam advised. "You're both different people now, with different needs and different outlooks, you need to get to know each other all over again."
"Yeah you're right," Daniel agreed as he slipped the steaks onto the plates. Sam carried the plates to the table while Daniel reached for a bottle of wine and the corkscrew.
The couple was used to spending the evening together. Since SG1 had been disbanded and the pair had been relegated to on-world duties they had taken to spending a lot of their free time together. Sam had boyfriends but nothing ever that serious and Daniel, although he had admitted his sexual preferences when he and Jack had become a couple, hadn't the heart to try to find a new partner. He was content with his work, his new home and his friends. He missed the closeness of having someone to share his life with but he had never had a conventional life anyway so this was nothing new.
Daniel admired the way Sam coped with his disability. She had never shied away from helping him, always seemed to know instinctively when he needed help and when he preferred to manage. He had often toyed with the idea of asking her to move in. It seemed silly them both running separate homes when they were at work most of the week and spent their weekends together whenever possible. It would make sense but something had always stopped Daniel from suggesting it. Perhaps the fear that she may refuse, perhaps because he liked to be alone sometimes, perhaps because he hoped there might be someone or something just around the corner that would change his life. Whatever it was, he kept his silence and the two rubbed along happily together. Until now.
Jack O'Neill whistled as he waited for the elevator. He was feeling more comfortable in his new role. Now after two months he was getting used to being in charge, not being able to go off-world at the drop of a hat and to the mounds of paperwork that littered his desk every day. He had also had another project in hand, one he kept to himself but one that was more important to him than anything else. He had to understand Daniel's disability, his day to day problems, his coping mechanisms and his needs before he could even think about trying to re-kindle any sort of relationship. Because of all this he hadn't seen much of Daniel since their meeting at Daniel's house but on the occasions that they had met, at briefings and departmental meetings, Daniel had always been civil and really that was all Jack could hope for, for now. The elevator arrived, the doors opened and Jack's whistling ceased abruptly as he saw who was already in the elevator.
"Morning Daniel," Jack said, trying to sound casual.
"Morning Jack," Daniel replied, a flush coming to his cheeks.
The silence was unbearable as the two men waited for the elevator to descend.
"How are things?" Jack finally asked, continuing to stare at the metal door of the elevator.
"Fine," Daniel replied, continuing to gaze at the floor.
"I don't seem to see you around much," Jack commented.
"Busy," Daniel said grasping the wheel rims of his chair to try to stop his hands from trembling.
Jack sighed and then, before he could think, punched the pause button on the elevator console and turned to face his ex-lover.
"Jack?" Daniel looked up in amazement at what had just happened.
"Daniel will you come out for dinner with me tonight?" Jack couldn't believe what he was saying but as he said them he knew the words sounded right. It was what he wanted and he thought the time was right.
Daniel gazed at Jack in astonishment. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. His heart thumped wildly in his chest.
"Yes, thank you, that would be.....nice," Daniel winced as he heard himself utter the trite phrases.
"Pick you up at your place about eight?" Jack said, making it sound more like an order than a date.
"Fine," Daniel replied wondering frantically whether he had time to get a hair cut, what he should wear.
"Good," Jack punched the level number in and returned to staring at the metal door while Daniel sat in shocked silence, his thoughts in turmoil.
The elevator stopped at Jack's floor; he turned briefly and gave Daniel a fleeting smile before marching out of the elevator and down the corridor. The doors closed again and Daniel descended to his office level a smile on his handsome face.
"A date!" Sam couldn't believe what Daniel was telling her. He nodded, trying not to smile.
"I don't believe it Daniel, he asked you out on a date?" Sam persisted.
"Tonight, he's picking me up at eight."
"So you are going?" Sam questioned, unsure of how Daniel wanted things to go.
"Am I being stupid?" Daniel asked, his blue eyes full of unanswered questions as he looked at his friend.
"Is it what you want, Daniel?" Sam asked carefully. She knew how much Daniel loved Jack and how much Jack loved Daniel. They had both made mistakes with their relationship in the past and she had picked up the pieces, in Daniel's case.
"I don't know," Daniel answered truthfully, "but I need to find out how things stand, if we can take it forward or if we both agree to leave well alone."
"I just don't want you to get hurt," Sam admitted. She loved Daniel like a younger brother, it had torn her apart to watch him suffer when Jack left and she didn't want anything like that to happen again.
"I know and I'm not planning on letting Jack O'Neill through my emotional barriers just yet," Daniel said smiling at Sam's worried face. "It's just dinner, Sam, that's all."
Sam nodded, she doubted very much if 'that was all,' but there was nothing she could do except sit back, watch the action and be ready to repair any damage caused by these two equally stubborn individuals who needed each other much more than either of them would admit.
Daniel left the mountain early and by seven forty-five he was showered, changed and waiting anxiously for Jack's arrival. He wondered where Jack had chosen for them to have dinner, he hoped it was somewhere with wheelchair access or they were going to have problems. He didn't feel comfortable enough with Jack yet to ring him and remind him about this potential problem. In a way it was a kind of test, if Jack had taken Daniel's disability into consideration then it was a sign that he really cared about his ex-partner. Daniel would just have to wait and see.
On the dot of eight the doorbell rang and Daniel wheeled himself slowly towards the door, don't want to appear too eager he reminded himself.
"Ready?" Jack asked as Daniel opened the door. He nodded, wheeling himself out onto the ramp and then swinging his chair around so that he could close the door behind him. Jack followed Daniel down the ramp and onto the sidewalk where Daniel paused. He suddenly realised he didn't know what kind of car Jack drove now.
"Here," Jack said indicating the shiny, Air Force issue car parked nearby.
"Yours?" Daniel asked with raised eyebrows. It didn't seem Jack's sort of thing at all; perhaps being a General had changed his friend.
"No, but I guessed we might have problems with the Avalanche," Jack said quietly, watching carefully for Daniel's response. He had guessed, correctly, that with the seats in his Avalanche being higher off the ground than in a normal car, that Daniel wouldn't be able to transfer into it from his chair. He also guessed that on their 'first date' Daniel wouldn't feel comfortable allowing Jack to lift him into the vehicle. Daniel had always had a stubborn, independent streak and Jack doubted that this had changed at all over the past couple of years.
"Right," Daniel said propelled himself to the passenger door as Jack held it open for him. With practised ease Daniel removed the right armrest from his chair and then slid his butt across into the car seat and quickly lifted his paralysed legs in. He adjusted his position so that he was balanced and then reached over ready to collapse his chair.
He was surprised to find that Jack had already done it and was stowing the chair in the trunk. He was surprised; he usually had to explain to people how the chair worked. He smiled to himself, so far so good. He reached over and pulled the seat belt around him.
Jack hopped into the driver's seat and turned to his passenger. "Ready?" Daniel nodded his assent and the car moved off.
"I booked a table at La Tasca," Jack said as they drove towards the freeway. Daniel breathed a sigh of relief. He had been there a couple of times with Sam, he knew there was disabled access, that he could negotiate his chair to their table without obstacles and that the waiters were attentive yet not over protective with him.
"Sounds great," Daniel said happily, relaxing slightly as the pair headed towards the restaurant.
Jack wanted everything to be right between him and Daniel. He had realised, after visiting Daniel's home, that he knew nothing at all about how Daniel managed his day to day life in a wheelchair. He realised that, by cutting and running, he had missed learning with Daniel and now he knew, if he wanted to have any sort of relationship with his ex-partner, he had to know and understand Daniel's life as it was now.
He had checked Daniel's personal file at the SGC, found out the name of his doctor and, unknown to anyone, paid him a visit. He explained briefly what had happened, without going into too much detail, and how he wanted a crash course in dealing with Daniel's disability. Jack knew enough to know he had to know how to help Daniel, when to help him and when to let him manage. He needed to know about his disability, the exact extent of his paralysis, what sort of therapy he had, whether he used a catheter, whether he had any sensations in his lower body.........
Dr. Dhillon was happy to speak to Jack. He had looked after Daniel's care since the accident and he knew what had happened between the two men. He had no problems with their relationship and he applauded Jack O'Neill for coming to see him and for realising how little he knew about his friend's problems.
"Without breaking patient confidentiality and as you are still registered as Daniel's next of kin I can give you plenty of information regarding the level of his disability and some general idea of how to treat him and how to interact with him," Dr Dhillon paused and looked at the man sitting opposite him.
"It isn't going to be easy General," Dr Dhillon said, "I hope you are committed to this because if you're not then I don't wish to proceed."
Jack started to speak but the doctor raised his hand. "Daniel has been through a lot over the past couple of years and he has now reached a point in his recovery when he has accepted his disability and his coping with his limitations. I do not want your intervention to cause any physical or emotional setbacks, do you understand me?"
Jack nodded. He felt ashamed in front of this man. He knew the doctor blamed him for leaving Daniel in the lurch even though the man didn't come out and actually say it. He needed to convince not only this doctor, but Sam Carter and, most of all, Daniel himself, that he was back, back to stay and all he wanted to do was repair the damage he had done to their relationship.
"When Daniel was hit by the arrow it was a million to once chance that it would strike exactly where it did. A couple of inches either way and there would have been some soft tissue damage, probably some internal injuries but nothing life threatening. As it was the arrow hit directly between the spinal vertebrae around the T10 level effectively severing the spinal cord."
Jack felt sick, he had heard all this before, two years ago he had sat in General Hammond's office while Dr. Warner detailed Daniel's injuries. At that time nothing had sunk in other than the fact that he had failed his partner, he had been responsible for the injury. He hadn't heard all the medical jargon, hadn't heard or understood the implications of the injury other than the fact that Daniel wasn't going to die but he wasn't going to walk again either.
"General O'Neill?" Dr. Dhillon pulled Jack's thoughts back to the present.
"Go on," he said swallowing the bile and gripping his hands together as he prepared to listen to more details.
"At this level Daniel has total paralysis of both lower limbs and part of his trunk. He uses upper body strength to balance, relying on back muscles to support him together with his arms to steady himself." He paused and looked at Jack O'Neill who nodded for him to continue.
"Daniel uses a folding wheelchair with arm rests. This actually takes more energy to push than a rigid chair but is easier for transporting. The seat dump of the chair is angled back slightly to allow most of his weight to rest against the back of the chair, this means he feels more stable. The arm rests add weight to the chair providing stability and, although they can get in the way, they also help Daniel to raise himself to shift his weight which is important in the prevention of pressure sores."
Jack nodded, he remembered Daniel saying something about that when he transferred from his chair to the couch.
The chair is fitted with a urethane honeycomb cushion that distributes Daniel's weight evenly and allows air to circulate."
Jack wondered why the doctor was so keen to explain all about the wheelchair but Dr. Dhillon obviously read Jack's expression.
"This chair is part of Daniel, part of who he is, without it he is reduced to a helpless cripple, with it he is enabled and can do more or less everything you or I can do. You need to understand how important the chair is to Daniel and, even more important, that it is the right chair. Daniel spent a lot of time working with the physiotherapists at the rehabilitation centre to regain his level of independence and this chair is part of that independence. Never forget that and never, by any unthinking act, make the chair unavailable to him."
"I understand," Jack said simply.
"Now, when to help and when not to help is just a matter of getting to know Daniel all over again," Dr. Dhillon went on to explain.
"He's an independent man, he lives alone, he manages. If he needs help he will ask for it, if he doesn't ask then don't jump in and try to do things for him. Daniel likes to do as much for himself as he can...."
"Nothing new there then," Jack muttered. Dr. Dhillon smiled.
"You obviously know Daniel well," he said.
"Gave you a hard time did he?" Jack asked looking at the doctor. Dr. Dhillon laughed. "You could say that," he admitted. "Seriously General, it is a very fine line you have to tread, I wish you well."
"Thanks doc," Jack said standing up and shaking the man warmly by the hand. He liked the doctor. Dr. Dhillon had made arrangements for Jack to meet with Daniel's physiotherapist to learn how to help him stand, what sort of exercises he had to do and how Jack could help. Jack was determined that when he made his first move to re-kindle his relationship with Daniel Jackson that he would be well informed on how to handle things.
"That was great," Daniel said as the waiter removed their empty plates and handed each of them the dessert menu.
Jack drained his glass of wine and looked closely at his companion. Daniel was a handsome young man, heads turned when they entered the restaurant, some because of the wheelchair but more, Jack suspected, because of the man in it. He had always felt proud to be seen out with Daniel and now was no different. Since his visits to Daniel's physiotherapist and after talking to some other patients with similar injuries Jack felt comfortable with Daniel's chair. He hadn't had much opportunity to show his new knowledge yet. He had sensed Daniel's surprise at how easily Jack had collapsed and stowed the chair and then retrieved it and set it up correctly and in just the right place for Daniel to be able to transfer easily into it.
"What are you having Daniel?" Jack asked as he perused the menu in front of him.
"Just coffee for me," Daniel said. Jack raised his head in surprise. Daniel Jackson's love of all things chocolate was well known.
"Have to watch my weight now I don't get so much exercise," Daniel explained. Jack nodded, feeling himself blush slightly. 'Mistake number one,' he thought to himself as he signalled for the waiter to take their order.
As they sipped their coffee and brandy the two men relaxed and chatted. Firstly Daniel filled Jack in on the goings on at the SGC while he was away and then Jack told Daniel something of his life over the past two years.
"So what about you Daniel, what did you get up to while I was gone?" Jack asked lightly, while all the time his heart was beating loudly in his ears. He willed Daniel to talk to him, really talk not just idle chit-chat.
Daniel lifted his head from his coffee cup and looked directly into Jack's brown eyes. Was this the time to let go? He took a deep breath and figuratively stepped into the unknown. The restaurant gradually emptied as all the other diners left and the waiters started clearing the tables. Jack and Daniel talked, really talked. Daniel explained to Jack how he had felt when Jack had left, what he had learned at the rehabilitation centre, how he managed his life now. Every minute Jack learned more about Daniel, every minute the two men drew closer together.
Eventually Daniel looked around and realised they were the only two people left in the restaurant.
"I think we've outstayed our welcome Jack," Daniel said indicating the empty room. Jack hadn't realised how long they had been talking. He signalled to the waiter, signed the check and stood up.
He waited while Daniel released the brakes of his chair and manoeuvred himself away from their table and towards the door where an attentive waiter, eager to get home to his family, held the door open and wished them both goodnight.
"I think he was glad to see us leave," Daniel said as they made their way back to Jack's car.
"I gave him a good tip," Jack said as they reached the car and he opened the passenger door for Daniel. Soon the transfer was complete and Jack congratulated himself of being able to cope as he slipped into the car next to Daniel.
"Thanks, I enjoyed that," Daniel said, smiling at his companion.
"Me too Danny, me too," Jack said as he put the car into gear and headed in the direction of Daniel's home. As they drove Jack glanced at Daniel occasionally as his friend shifted awkwardly in his seat and, on one occasion, winced before he realised Jack was watching him.
Jack pulled up outside Daniel's bungalow and turned off the engine.
"You okay?" he asked casually as he waited for Daniel to settle himself into his chair.
"Yeah just backache, nothing new," Daniel said equally casually. "Want to come in for coffee?"
Yes Jack wanted to scream, yes I want to come in and never leave again. Common sense prevailed, however, he knew how tiring it was for Daniel to be stuck in his chair for long periods and his friend actually admitting to backache confirmed this. Much as he wanted to spend more time with Daniel he knew he had to leave him alone.
"No thanks, I'm tired, I'm guessing you're tired, see you tomorrow, okay?"
Daniel nodded with relief. His back and shoulders were painful; he couldn't wait to get stretched out in bed with a couple of Tylenol. "Yeah, see you tomorrow Jack."
Jack watched as Daniel wheeled himself up the ramp, unlocked his door and wheeled inside. The door closed and Jack was left, standing alone on the sidewalk. He felt more alone than he had at any time in the past two years. His friend and ex-lover was so near and yet so far away. Jack sighed, it would take time but he had plenty of that. He would woo Dr. Daniel Jackson, as he had never had to before. He would regain his trust and hopefully his love.
Three weeks later.....
"Where's Dr. Jackson?" Jack asked one of the junior archaeologists, making the young man stutter and blush as the General stood over his desk.
He checked the clock, he'll be in the gym, sir."
"Thank you," Jack peered at the young man's name badge. "Thank you Jimmy," he said before heading back towards the elevator.
Jack stopped outside the gym. Through the glass doors he could see Daniel struggling between the parallel bars. He stepped back to be sure he couldn't be seen and he watched Daniel, braces fastened on both legs to keep his knees from buckling and his feet from dropping. Daniel swung his useless limbs forward, balanced himself, changed his grip on the bars, paused to regain his balance and then swung forward again. He watched fascinated as Daniel repeated this slow, ungainly and obviously exhausting exercise from one end of the bars to the other while the physiotherapist walked alongside, ready to catch him if he lost his balance and fell at some point.
Jack knew this exercise was necessary for Daniel's physical well being. It had been explained to him that Daniel needed to do this every day, if possible. It kept his ligaments and muscles from shortening, kept his bones strong, improved his circulation and helped with his bladder and bowel function. Jack knew all this but actually seeing Daniel upright tugged at Jack's heartstrings more than he could have imagined and tears pricked his brown eyes.
"Okay Daniel, I think that's enough for today," Jack heard the physiotherapist say. He took his cue, took a deep breath and pushed open the door he had been hiding behind.
"Hey Daniel, Jimmy said I'd find you here," Jack said casually as he strode towards the parallel bars.
"Jack!" Daniel spluttered. He was trapped; there was no way he could hide the braces from Jack. He clung on to the bars willing himself to keep balanced, not to fall. The physiotherapist appeared pushing Daniel's chair. "Let me," Jack said smiling at the man and taking control of the chair.
"Jack?" Daniel watched in fascination as Jack positioned the chair in front of Daniel, put the brakes on and moved the footrests out of the way.
"Ready?" Jack said. Daniel smiled; Jack obviously knew what he was doing. Daniel didn't know how or why but he nodded, putting his trust in Jack. In a series of clumsy movements he turned his body around and, knowing Jack was there to catch, him he allowed himself to drop back into his chair. He sighed with relief as he felt the familiar contours of his chair hold him safe.
Jack handed him a towel and Daniel wiped the sweat off his face and hands.
"I thought you said you didn't get any exercise," Jack teased as Daniel handed him the towel and reached for a bottle of water nearby.
"Yeah approximately twelve steps an hour, practically racing," Daniel said sarcastically.
"Hey Daniel don't knock it, must be great for the biceps," Jack continued to joke.
Daniel raised his eyebrows and bending forward started to unbuckle the leather straps holding the braces. Without a word Jack knelt beside him and unbuckled the lower ones that Daniel wasn't able to reach. As the metal braces fell away Jack passed them to the physiotherapist standing nearby before moving the chairs footrests back into place and gently lifting Daniel's feet on to them.
Daniel raised himself up and re-settled himself in his chair. "Thanks Jack," he said simply.
"Where now?" Jack asked as Daniel wheeled his chair out of the gym and down the corridor.
"Shower and then back to work," Daniel said, "why do you ask?"
"Just wondered what your daily routine was, that's all," Jack said casually as he strolled along beside Daniel.
Daniel stopped wheeling and looked up at Jack. "Don't you have any work to do General O'Neill?" he asked.
"Piles and piles of it Dr. Jackson."
"So, what are you doing checking up on me?"
Jack stuck his hands in his trouser pockets and leaned against the wall.
"I wondered if you wanted to come over to my place tonight, hockey game, pizza, beer?"
Daniel considered the offer for a moment. "Okay, what time?"
Jack smiled. "Around seven thirty okay?" Daniel nodded. "See you later," he said pushing himself towards the changing rooms while Jack O'Neill punched the air and mouthed YES.
Jack left the mountain early to make sure everything was ready for his guest. He moved furniture, rolled up rugs that might hinder Daniel's progress, checked the icebox for beer and ordered the pizzas. By seven thirty he was pacing the room like a young man on his first date when the telephone rang.
"O'Neill!"
"Jack?"
"Daniel, where are you?"
"Outside, you have steps Jack."
Jack O'Neill cursed. He had been so busy making sure everything inside the house was perfect he had completely forgotten about the two small wooden steps up to his porch.
"Wait there, I'm on my way," Jack said flinging the phone down and rushing to the door. He opened it to see Daniel sitting at the bottom of the steps, his cell phone in his hand.
"Daniel I'm sorry...." Jack started to apologise.
"Can it Jack, just help me," Daniel said, dropping the phone into his pocket and grasping the wheel rims of his chair.
"How?" Jack asked.
"If I turn the chair around you can pull me up backwards," Daniel explained as he manoeuvred the chair into position.
"Got it," Jack said reaching for the handles and putting his foot on the rail at the back to tip the chair slightly. "Hang on," he advised as he heaved Daniel and his chair up the two steps and onto the porch.
"Thanks," Daniel swung the chair around and pushed himself into the house while Jack followed still berating himself for forgetting.
Once Daniel was settled on the couch with a root beer in his hand Jack tried again. "Daniel I'm sorry, I forgot all about those damned steps," Jack started to apologise.
"Only two tiny steps for a General but an insurmountable obstacle for a crippled archaeologist," Daniel said. Jack winced.
"Only joking Jack, honestly, if I lost it every time I came up against something I couldn't do I'd be a basket case by now," Daniel laughed.
"God, I don't know how you cope," Jack blurted out.
"I have to," Daniel said seriously. "It takes too much energy to get through day to day living with a disability to be wasting that energy on hostility, denial, regrets and rebellion."
Jack looked at Daniel, really looked at him. He had been mistaken; this wasn't the man he had abandoned two years ago. This man was stronger, surer of himself, self-confident. Jack realised he hadn't re-kindled his love for Daniel this was a completely new love. He had loved the old Daniel, the insecure, self-hugging young man but this was completely different. He admired this man; he wanted to be with him, not as a carer, not as a nursemaid; Daniel didn't need that. But as a partner, a lover, an equal. Now all he had to do was convince Daniel of this.
"O'Neill!" Jack was sick and tired of answering the telephone, listening to petty problems, sorting through the mounds of paperwork. As he snatched up the phone for the hundredth time that morning a pile of reports slid gracefully off his desk and onto the floor.
"Jack?" Jack leaned forward as he heard Daniel's voice.
"Yeah, just a second Daniel," Jack put his hand over the mouthpiece and yelled.
"Sergeant, get in here and sort this mess out." Daniel winced and held the phone away from his ear. I pity the poor sergeant detailed to act as General O'Neill's aide he thought.
"Daniel?"
"Still here Jack, little hearing damage though," Daniel teased.
"So what can I do for you?"
"I wondered if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight, at my place?" Daniel said keeping his fingers crossed that Jack would accept the invitation.
"Tonight, yes I'd love to."
"Eight thirty then," Daniel said smiling to himself.
"See you then," Jack said replacing the receiver and sitting back in his chair with a smile on his craggy face.
"So you're sure you're doing the right thing?" Sam asked when Daniel told her his plans for the evening.
"Sam, we've been pussy footing around for six months now," Daniel reminded her.
"I just don't want you to get hurt Daniel," she said planting a kiss on the top of his head.
"I won't," Daniel said confidently. He had played his part to perfection. He had been cool yet friendly with Jack. They had been out to dinner, he had been round to Jack's to watch hockey, they had been to the theatre and Jack had, on a couple of occasions, helped Daniel with his physiotherapy. Now it was time for the big step. Tonight was going to be Jack O'Neill's final test; if he passed Daniel was ready to welcome him back into his life one hundred percent.
"It's a risk," Sam reminded him. "You know what he's like with yucky stuff."
Daniel laughed. "Are you accusing me of being yucky?"
"No, sorry, no I didn't mean that," Sam stammered suddenly afraid she had upset her friend. Daniel laughed again.
"This is the final test Sam, if he's okay with tonight, then I guess we have a go."
"Well good luck then," Sam said bending down and hugging Daniel before leaving him to his preparations for the evening ahead.
An unsuspecting Jack O'Neill arrived on Daniel's doorstep at eight thirty prompt clutching a bottle of Chardonnay. He had contemplated buying some flowers but decided against it, their relationship hadn't got to that easy stage just yet, he didn't want to push it.
The door opened and Daniel sat there smiling at his guest. Jack's heart did a somersault as he eyed the man in front of him.
Daniel was wearing soft cream trousers and a white linen collar-less shirt, unbuttoned slightly at the neck. His face was flushed from the oven and his hair was short and tousled just as Jack liked it.
"Come in," Daniel said moving aside to allow Jack to enter the room. Jack handed Daniel the bottle.
"Thanks, nice wine," Daniel said settling it carefully on his knee and propelling himself into the kitchen area to put it straight into the refrigerator.
Jack looked around. He liked Daniel's house; he liked the light, airy feel of it, the space, the lack of clutter. It felt comfortable to be here.
"Champagne?" Daniel called and Jack raised his head just in time to see Daniel remove the cork from the bottle with a satisfying pop.
"Is this a celebration?" Jack asked. "A birthday or something?" Daniel shook his head.
"Just a nice start to the evening I thought," he said holding out a glass to Jack. Jack took the glass and sipped the sparkling liquid, all the time watching Daniel.
"Well here's to this evening," Jack said unsure of what exactly Daniel was talking about.
Daniel raised his glass in response and the two men gazed at one another for a moment until the oven timer broke the silence.
Daniel was a good cook, Jack enjoyed the meal and the two chatted easily together. Jack offered to make the coffee while Daniel moved over and transferred onto the couch. When the coffee was ready Jack came and sat next to Daniel, placing the cups on the table on front of them.
"That was a fantastic meal Daniel," Jack said sinking back into the cushions with a sigh.
"You'll have to watch that waistline General, we don't want you bursting out of your new uniform," Daniel said sipping his coffee.
"I go to the gym," Jack protested.
"Mainly to watch me struggle," Daniel replied, leaning forward and putting his empty cup back on the table.
"I like watching you Daniel," Jack said quietly.
"You like watching me struggle?" Daniel teased gently.
"You know what I mean."
Daniel nodded; he reached over and placed his hand over Jack's. "I know and I appreciate everything you've done since your return."
"I should never have gone Daniel," Jack started.
"No Jack, leave it, that's over and in the past, forget it now," Daniel ordered. "Let's start again shall we, both different people, neither of us are the men we were two years ago."
Jack looked into Daniel's blue eyes hopefully. Daniel took a deep breath, this was it, this was the moment.
"Will you stay the night Jack?" he asked almost in a whisper. There was a pause, it seemed like hours to Daniel as he held his breath waiting for an answer, not daring to look into Jack's face, dreading seeing revulsion and withdrawal.
Jack leaned towards Daniel and gently took his face between his gnarled hands.
"It would be my pleasure Dr. Jackson," Jack said planting a gentle kiss on Daniel's full and trembling lips.
"Allow me?" Jack said as he scooped Daniel up into his arms and carried him into the bedroom, depositing him carefully on the bed. Mindful of what Dr. Dhillon had told him earlier Jack slipped back into the main room and wheeled Daniel's chair into the bedroom and set it at the side of the bed. Daniel watched happily. Jack knew what he needed; he understood what the chair meant to Daniel. Daniel sighed as he finally realised that Jack didn't view the chair as something abhorrent, something keeping them apart. He viewed it, as Daniel had learned to view it, as part of him. He held out his arms and Jack, taking his cue, lay on the bed next to him.
As they kissed Daniel fumbled to unbutton Jack's shirt and then slide his hands around his lover's muscular back. Jack slowly unbuttoned Daniel's, now seriously crumpled linen shirt, he gently ran his fingers across Daniel's chest, playing with his nipples until Daniel' groaned with pleasure. Then he moved down to the trousers, searching for the waistband and zipper.
"Jack," Daniel stopped his movements and Jack raised his head to look into Daniel's worried blue eyes.
"I've never tried...since the accident...I don't know if I......I wear a catheter.......Daniel stuttered, his expression worried.
Jack continued to remove Daniel's trousers, tossing them aside and gently re-positioning his paralysed limbs. Daniel watched, embarrassed but powerless to stop him. This was the moment he had been working towards, this was the make or break moment in their new relationship. He took a deep breath as Jack looked at his useless legs and flaccid penis with its tubing and the catheter bag attached to Daniel's thigh. Jack tenderly stroked his hands over Daniel's lower body and then leaning forward gentle ran his fingers over the catheter bag and then up the tubing before planting a kiss on Daniel's now twitching member. Daniel sighed happily; it was going to be alright. The two years in the wilderness was over. The two halves were now one again.
Finis
| Category: | Jack/Daniel |
| Genres: | Angst, Drama |
| Rated: | Pre-Teen |
| Warnings: | None |
| Series: | None |
| Summary: | A mission gone wrong and a misunderstanding drive Jack & Daniel apart. |
Author's Chapter Notes:
Mentions disability and a teeny tiby bit of sex!!!