Killing Me Softly by gategeek
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Category: Jack/Daniel
Genres: Angst, Drama, Pre-Slash
Rated: Teen
Warnings: None
Series: Killing Me Softly
Summary: Jack thinks about Daniel.

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Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song ...

He stood at the window and watched the moonlight play across the waves. He couldn't sleep and he knew it wasn't just the withdrawal. The main reason was sleeping quietly in the room behind him. Daniel - the other half of his soul. It was God's own truth - Daniel had crept into spaces of his mind and heart no one had inhabited since his son died. Places he hadn't known existed anymore. Like water over limestone, Daniel had worn a passage to his very core.

He loved Daniel. That truth had come home to him with savage force the moment his hockey stick had impacted the general's car window 4 years ago - after Daniel's "memorial service". He had carried that knowledge since then; an exquisitely tender ache. Killing me softly, he thought. When had his life started to resemble 70's pop songs?

When Sha'uri died the thought had come to him unbidden - maybe there was a chance for him now. He immediately felt ashamed and stuffed the thought down ruthlessly. His best friend had just lost his wife and all he could think of was himself, selfish bastard that he was.

So he continued to traverse this tilting plane of existence. Wanting more, yet desperately afraid to risk what he had to ask for what he needed. Nothing was the same anymore, it infiltrated every aspect of his life. His professionalism was a joke - he didn't have a team; he had a family. He cared for them way more than he should - a fact that had been recently revealed in excruciatingly uncomfortable fashion by Anise and her damn Xanax detector.

He was in love with Daniel, but even if his feelings were returned, what could he offer him? Daniel deserved so much more than a broken down flyboy with degenerating joints and unresolved grief issues. Then there was the whole physical aspect of a relationship which, quite frankly, terrified him. As much as he wanted to be with Daniel, it was hard to think of intercourse with a man as an erotic experience when he'd had an electric cattle prod up his ass courtesy of Saddam's boys. He shuddered and scrubbed his face with his hands. Some prize, huh?

He couldn't do this anymore. His body was still recovering from the paralyzing, mind numbing terror of seeing Daniel go flat line in the gate room. There would always be a thousand reasons to hold back but underneath it all was an unyielding, unwavering love. Killing me softly, he thought again.

On the balcony, Daniel had needed him. He had reached out to him, called to him when he was in despair, and he had been there to catch Daniel, to keep him safe. But he knew his fear had prevented him from seeing Daniel's need until it was almost too late. If Daniel NEEDED him - how could he let his fear weigh against that?

He couldn't fail to take the risk and still claim he loved Daniel. He couldn't.

The time had come for honesty.
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