Homer by Amanda
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Category: General
Genres: Humor
Rated: Pre-Teen
Warnings: None
Series: Homer
Summary: Jack, Homer and Ancient Greek myths.

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Daniel stood at the front of the briefing room, droning on about the Ancient Greeks. They were due to head out on a mission shortly, to a planet that seemed to be strongly linked to the Ancient Greek period on Earth. Jack had half an ear on the briefing, whilst trying to figure out the mechanics behind his retractable pen.

As Jack unscrewed the top of his pen, Daniel began describing what some of the inscriptions on the wall said. "They seem to be very similar to our stories of Troy, and the Trojan War - and Achilles' heel. Here," Daniel pointed to an area of text on the projector screen "-it describes how a mighty warrior would not enter the battle at the beginning."

Jack held his pen up, after pulling the cartridge out, and squinted to see if any of the light was showing through to the insides. "Let me guess. He had a friend who saw how their side was suffering. Said friend then asked to take this mighty warrior's troops into battle, which Mr Warrior let him do. Our friend then goes and gets himself killed because he's dressed as the warrior, but isn't half as good. Mighty-warrior man then goes nutso on us, enters the battle and kills all the other guys. Am I right, or am I right?" Jack then put his pen down, and looked up for the first time at the others around the table. Daniel was staring with his mouth hanging open, as if stunned; Carter looked mildly worried; Hammond just blinked at him; and Teal'c's eyebrow climbed his forehead as their gazes met.

Daniel recovered first and, after a brief stutter, continued his briefing. "Right, erm, okay. yes, Jack would be correct. If we replace his mighty warrior with Achilles, and his friend with Patroclus. Patroclus was dressed as Achilles as he went to battle. This attracted the Trojan hero, Hector, who killed him. Achilles was driven over the edge. nutso, as Jack put it so well. and entered the battle to kill Hector. Achilles got killed later on by an arrow to the one part of himself that had not been made immortal - Achilles' heel."

Jack then zoned out once more as Daniel continued on in his descriptions of another area of the wall he had been translating. Deciding to continue his examination of his pen, he picked it back up off the table, where he had placed the two halves of his dismantled pen. He shook out the bottom end - the end where the nib is - so that a spring bounced onto his notepad. He picked the spring up and began squeezing it together between his index finger and thumb. Deciding to give his fingers some exercise, he began squeezing them quickly together, as if they were doing press-ups, until the spring leapt free from his grasp, fell on to the table, and rolled off onto the floor. Becoming disrupted from his musings, he once again tuned into what Daniel was saying.

"This section here seems to describe the other side of the story, if you will. While only a short part."

"Wait, wait." Jack once again interrupted. "I bet I can guess this one too." He began to tap the two sections of pen on the table, to a tune in his head. "This guy isn't as great as our mighty warrior man from before, but he is much more clever. He's the one that came up with the idea of building that honkin' great horse, filling it up with men, and leaving it as a present for the oh so gullible other side." Jack's voice got muffled as he stopped tapping his pen, and quickly bent under the table to retrieve his spring, before sitting up again. "What would you do with something that big anyway? Somehow, I doubt the kids could use it as a rocking horse. Anyway, he got the armour that had been that guy's - Achilles was it - as a reward. He then sailed home, and yadda yadda."

Daniel just coughed this time, before carrying on with a squeak. "And that is correct, again. Jack." He said Jack's name slowly, as if it shouldn't be said in that sentence. "Odysseus came up with the idea of the Trojan Horse, as we now know it, so that the Greeks could climb out during the night when the Trojans were unsuspecting and asleep." Daniel paused, and then his tone of voice changed to almost whiney when he continued again. "Jaaack! I don't get it. How come you suddenly know so much about Ancient Greek mythology? I didn't know you were interested in it - or at least knew all this!"

The object of his confusion finally put the pen back together, and looked up once more at his comrades. Daniel looked thoroughly confused; Carter looked like Jack might have lost his mind; Hammond had a mixed look of disbelief and humour on his bald features; and Teal'c once more lifted his eyebrow at Jack.

Focussing his attention back on Daniel, Jack let out an indignant "What!" As both of Daniel's eyebrows now rose up like Teal'c's single one, Jack scowled. "Can't a guy be allowed to know stuff once in a while?" As Carter's eyebrows threatened to join the eyebrow circus in a matter of moments, Jack threw his arms in the air with a loud 'hmmmf'. "Okay, if you must know, it's because I'm a fan of The Simpsons. Okay?"

It was Teal'c's turn to reply now, saying "I do not believe there has been an episode involving that dysfunctional yellow-skinned family that has concerned itself with Greek mythology."

Jack's scowl grew deeper, as he haughtily replied, "Well, it wasn't from an episode per se. It was a book by Homer that I saw in a bookshop. It was an omnibus type thing, with two books in one - erm. 'The Iliad' and 'The Odyssey' I think they were called. And of course I had to read them. They were quite cool really." Jack stopped what he was saying as a splutter came from Daniel, standing near the projector screen. As everyone turned to look at him, Daniel's splutters quickly turned to full out laughter. Jack queried "Daniel.?" Daniel managed to explain why he was laughing in gasps as he couldn't seem to stop.

"Jack, the Homer whose books you read is not Homer Simpson! You klutz! That one was an ancient Greek dramatist. those books you read were written back in - they think - about the 12th century BCE." Daniel then fell back in to laughter so infectious that the others soon joined in. Jack just glared at Daniel, before grinning and joining in the laughter, and saying "Well, who would have thought! They liked The Simpsons way back then, too!"

***THE END***
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