Eat Dessert First by dustandroses
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Category: Jack/Daniel
Genres: First Time, Humor, Romance
Rated: Adult
Warnings: None
Series: None
Summary: Jack and Daniel get separated from the rest of the team on a really nice planet. What could possibly go wrong?

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Author's Chapter Notes:
Written for the Live Journal Community Fcukficathons Multi-Fandom Man-Bits Euphemism Fic & Art Challenge #01. The challenge was to fit my prompt (Spelunking Sausage) into the fic, at some point. This is all their fault.
Eat Dessert First

It had all started out as such a nice mission. The people were nice. The trinium mines their ancestors had worked, hundreds of years ago, were in surprisingly nice shape. The natives were very interested in having the SGC send experts to teach them how to use the mines in order to exchange the trinium they got for the nice medical and technological advances the team had told them about.

All in all, a nice, simple mission. That is, until Daniel got a good whiff of the abandoned ruins up in the hills, and begged Jack to go visit them to see if they warranted further investigation.

“I’m not here to study them, Jack; I just want to see if they deserve a trip back with an archeological team in the future. No one has been able to tell me anything more about them, and I don’t want to waste the time and effort of sending a team in here if it turns out not to be worth it. We’re only about an hour’s hike away from them, into those woods,” he pointed it out on the aerial map a flyby had generated before the mission began, “which means just a three hour detour if I spend an hour at the site.”

“Yeah, right, like that’s gonna happen. I know you Daniel, we’d never make it back to the gate in time to report in.”

“So send Sam back to the gate with Teal’c, and they can report in if we’re late. It’s not like we’ll be in any danger, the natives are really nice people, after all.”

“Right. Nice.”

So off they went, up the hills and into the forest to look for the nice ruins Daniel was drooling over. More trees - not so nice. Jack had factored in an extra hour to make it home, so even if Daniel took two hours at his ruins, they’d still be through with their debriefing and out of the mountain in time for The Simpsons. Now that would be nice.

To Jack’s surprise, Daniel was through with the ruins in just under an hour. He took lots of footage of the writing on the outer walls which were crumbling into decay. They were covered with a form of Ancient that he hadn’t seen in a while, and was positive he could get an archeological trip back based on the footage he took. It was only when Jack called Carter to tell her they were on their way back to the gate that Carter informed them of the sudden thunderstorms that the natives had casually mentioned to her that tended to plague the area this time of year.

“We just spotted it sir; it’s coming in very fast from the east, and will hit us here at the gate in about ten minutes. ETA to your location is approximately 20 minutes. I suggest you take cover in the ruins if possible or at least set up your tent to keep the worst of the rain out. We won’t be able to communicate during the storm, and there’s no shelter here at the gate, so my thought was that Teal’c and I should gate back to the SGC and attempt to contact you in two hours.”

“That sounds good, Carter.” Jack watched as Daniel rushed to get all his gear packed up as fast as he could. “If the storm hasn’t passed by then, try back on an hourly basis. If we don’t make contact once the storm lets up, come looking for us. You didn’t hear tell of any big, carnivorous creatures in this neck of the woods, did you?”

“No, sir.”

“Me either, Jack.” Daniel pulled on his backpack as he answered, overlapping his words with Carter’s, and Jack took off back in the direction they’d just come, circling around the crumbling ruins that were obviously not going to offer any protection from a major thunderstorm.

“I saw what looked like a fairly large cave mouth on my last trip around the perimeter – we’ll be holed up there behind the ruins until the storm blows over.”

“Yes, sir.”

“It’s almost 14:00 hours, try back on the hour, got it?”

“Understood, sir. We’ll make our first check at 16:00 hours.”

“Good. Now get out of there before the storm hits you.”

“On our way, sir.”

Daniel sighed loudly behind him. “Frequent, sudden thunderstorms. No wonder the Goa’uld left.”


The cave was uninhabited, thankfully, and they found no trace of droppings, bones or other sign that it ever had been lived in by anything larger than a raccoon. It looked like there was a series of caves extending back into the hill, so after they’d gathered enough wood for a fire, and as the first fat drops of rain started to fall, they broke out the
flashlights and explored deeper into the cave system.

The hard packed dirt they’d found at the entrance gave way to a softer, finer sand the farther in they traveled, their boots kicking up dust that got caught in the beams of their flashlights. Eventually, they had to duck their heads, as the caves got shorter, and when the cave floor suddenly sloped down in a severe decline, Daniel got down on his hands and knees to see how deep it went. But their inadequate lighting showed only a wide open space that echoed back at them as their lights were swallowed by the darkness.

“Too bad we don’t have the right gear. We’ll be trapped here for at least a couple of hours, we could go spelunking – you can learn a lot about an area by exploring its cave systems.”

“You spelunk, Daniel?” Jack knelt down next to him, keeping an eye out – it would be just like Daniel to slide down into the darkness and force Jack to go after him.

“Well of course I do, Jack, I’m an archeologist. Caves are often inhabited by indigenous peoples, or at least used as storage spaces, or funereal sites. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in caves in my day.” Daniel groped around until he found some small pebbles in the fine, almost powdery sand and tossed them, one at a time, out into the darkness beyond the reach of their lighting. One of them landed in water with a wet plopping sound and Daniel nodded as the echo came back to them, repeated and then died.

“So there’s a pool of water down there, somewhere. Probably run off seeping in from higher in the hills.”

“Yeah, I don’t hear the sound of moving water – it’s probably too early in the season for the snow to melt higher up, anyway. But the echo is fun. Hullo!” Daniel sat down, hugging his knees and sighed as Jack grinned like a kid at the echo of his voice. “Cool.”

“I swear, Jack, sometimes I wonder about you.”

“Hey, you gotta get your fun when you can, these days, Daniel. You never know what could happen next.”

Daniel smiled at him, shaking his head. “I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that reminded me of you, Jack. ‘Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.’”

Jack laughed as he stood up, ducking at the last second and sparing himself a concussion. He slapped Daniel on the shoulder. “Come on; let’s go back to the entrance where we can stand up, my neck is killing me. Besides, we should save our batteries in case we need them later.” He dusted off his knees and shins, the dust pluming in the light from his P-90. He watched Daniel get up, moving fluidly from sitting to standing and sighed; remembering a time when he’d moved that easily.

Daniel took his time dusting off his ass, and Jack turned away, moving his light when he realized it was shining directly on Daniel’s rear end. He didn’t need to be staring at Daniel’s ass, although he had to admit, it was a very nice one. Somewhat self-consciously, he glanced back. Daniel was bent over dusting off his knees, now, but for some reason, it looked like his ass was glowing dimly. Jack blinked and turned to face him, just as Daniel turned around.

“Wait, Daniel. Turn back the other way.”

“What? Why?”

“No, do it, Daniel. There’s something weird on your pants.”

Daniel turned around, twisting at his waist, trying to peer back. “What? I just dusted myself off.” He started to reach back, but Jack grabbed his hand.

“Don’t touch it, Daniel. Just let me look for a minute.” With his light pointed that way, he couldn’t see anything except maybe some smudges of dust, but when he turned his light off, there it was. Daniel’s ass was glowing. He looked down, and so were his knees, his shins, and the fronts of his boots. “I don’t think this is dust we’ve been kneeling in, Daniel. My hands are glowing – yours, too. What do you think this is?”

Daniel turned back around, aiming his flashlight away from Jack “Oh, yeah, I see. It wasn’t glowing when we came in.”

“No, we probably activated it with our lights. What is it? Some kind of fungus or spore or something?” He tried wiping it off on his pant legs, with minimal success - his hands continued to glow faintly.

“Yeah, maybe. It could come from this mossy stuff on the walls here. I noticed it earlier, it’s only growing down here where there’s no sunlight.” He walked over to the cave wall, his hand reaching out.

Jack grabbed his arm. “Whoa. Don’t touch it Daniel. We’ve got enough stuff on our skin as is. Let’s just get some samples of it for the labs, just in case, and head up to the front of the cave where we left our packs. The ground is pretty solid there; I don’t think there’s any of this around. Then we can figure out how to get this stuff off our skin.”

They were able to get the stain off their skin with the sterile wipes supplied in their med kits, so they built a fire far enough from the cave entrance to keep it dry, and sat back against the bare rock walls, staring out at the pouring rain.

“Well, we’ll never make it back in time for The Simpsons, now.”

Daniel sighed. “I’m sorry, Jack. I never should have talked you into this side trip. I could have had the follow-up team make the trip; they’ll be coming back to work with the natives on a treaty anyway, they could have taken care of it then.”

“Don’t worry about it, Daniel. You were just doing your job. It’s not your fault we ran into bad weather. At least we’re not being shot at or poked with pointy sticks. Being stuck in a cave is infinitely preferable to angry natives.”

Daniel smiled. “Good point. Well I think I’ll spend some time on my notes, while there’s still some sunlight.” He pulled out a journal and a pen, and started writing. Jack stared out into the rain, thinking that they may end up spending the night there, if the rain didn’t let up until dark, but that was at least four or five hours away. The rain was showing no signs of easing - just the opposite. The sky was slowly darkening, while thunder rumbled ominously and lightening crackled just outside their cave.

As he watched the rain, Jack’s mind wandered from subject to subject, with no real thread following through that he could locate. He thought about the nice, friendly natives, the repair work he needed to do on the fence along the back of his property, the beautiful woodlands they’d walked through on their way to the ruins, the budget review due next week that he’d totally been ignoring, the Simpsons episode he was missing – he really needed to set up his vcr to record it every week, then it wouldn’t be a problem if he got stuck off world, or even just at the mountain. Daniel had told him as much a dozen times, but he’d never followed through on it.

Jack stretched out his long legs, crossing them at the ankles. Maybe he could get Daniel to come over this weekend and help him with his back yard projects. If he was going to get all hot and sweaty, he might as well have company. The thought of a hot and sweaty Daniel in a clingy t-shirt and cut off jeans caused a low burn in his gut, and he blinked, glancing over at Daniel, as if he could somehow sense Jack was thinking sweaty thoughts about him.

But Daniel was bent over his journal, the pages tipped to the firelight to supplement the fading light, his pen scratching across the page, so Jack looked back out at the steadily pouring rain, wondering to himself when this attraction had started. He’d only noticed himself thinking about Daniel in sexual terms in the last three or four months, but he thought it had been going on in his subconscious for a while, now. The sight of Daniel’s nice firm ass glowing in the dark came back to him suddenly, and he laughed out loud.

Jack slapped a hand over his mouth, shocked. He had no idea where that had come from. He glanced over at Daniel self-consciously, just as Daniel sighed and dropped his journal back into his backpack.

“Too dark for you?”

“Well that, plus the fact that I just can’t seem to concentrate on anything. My mind is wandering all over the place.”

“Me too. I can’t seem to stay on one subject; I’m just jumping randomly from thought to thought.”

“What were you just laughing at?”

“Your ass, glowing at me in the dark.” Jack thought to himself that he probably shouldn’t have said that, but it was out before he realized he was going to say it.

Daniel blinked at him solemnly. “My ass wasn’t glowing at you.”

“Yeah? Well, I was the only one there, so who else would it have been glowing at?”

“It wasn’t glowing at anyone. It was just glowing.”

“At me.” Jack’s response was smug.

“Just because you were there, doesn’t mean it was glowing at you. It would have been glowing even if nobody had been there.”

“Are you sure about that? Maybe it was trying to tell me something.”

Daniel looked at him skeptically. “Now, what would my ass have been trying to tell you?”

“I don’t know. It’s not my ass.”

“Maybe it was telling you to bite me.”

“Okay, bare it, and I will.” Jack swallowed convulsively, praying that the firelight didn’t show the way his face had flushed. His heart was pounding, and he couldn’t decide if he was more afraid that Daniel would bare his ass, or that he wouldn’t. He tried to figure out how he’d gotten into this mess, but he couldn’t concentrate on anything but the way Daniel was eying him.

“You would, wouldn’t you?” Daniel’s hand moved in the direction of his pants, and Jack froze, his eyes widening, but Daniel just reached into the pocket on the thigh of his BDU’s, and pulled out a couple of Snickers bars. “Hungry? I’ve got two.”

“Snickers!” Jack breathed a sigh of relief at the sudden change of subject, but he couldn’t decide if he was happy with the way it had resolved. He grabbed the candy bar that came flying his direction, just as he realized he really was in the mood for junk food. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say I have the munchies.”

“Me too. They just came on me all the sudden.” Daniel ripped open the wrapper and took a huge bite, chewing noisily as he continued to talk, the wrapper floating to the ground unnoticed. “Yum. It’s not what I’m really in the mood for, but it’ll do.”

Jack swallowed his first bite and paused, watching Daniel subdue his rather large mouthful, his cheeks bulging out. “What are you in the mood for?” He stared at Daniel, his own candy bar forgotten in his hand.

“Something with a creamy filling, like a Hostess Cupcake or a Twinkie.”

Creamy filling? Jack took another bite of his candy bar, trying to distract himself from blurting out something inappropriate. But Daniel just wouldn’t give him a break.

“Maybe a Ding Dong or a Ho Ho – whatever they’re called. Or a donut – what are those? You know, the long ones with the chocolate on top…Long Johns? Yeah, that’s it. As long as it has a creamy filling, I’d eat it.”

Jack swallowed a sudden moan and pulled his legs up, hugging his knees, staring into the fire. The images suddenly flooding his mind had nothing to do with pastries or donuts, and he took a big bite of his Snickers, thinking it was wiser to have his mouth full right now – make it harder to say anything.

Daniel started laughing, a kind of high-pitched giggling noise that ended with a loud snort. Jack looked over at him in surprise. Daniel only snorted when he was really drunk, and he knew for a fact that he hadn’t had anything alcoholic to drink all day. But that wasn’t stopping him, obviously. He giggled again, then broke out into peals of laughter, his face turning red as he flopped backwards onto the cave floor, eyes streaming.

Jack grinned. He loved to watch Daniel laugh. It was so rare to hear him like this – full-bellied laughter, carefree and uninhibited, nothing held back. It made him want to join in, even if he didn’t know what the joke was. So he did. Just a little at first. A chuckle or two, as Daniel was winding down. But then Daniel did that snorting thing again, and Jack just couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Jack’s laughter only fed Daniel’s mirth, making him giggle again, and before Jack knew what hit them, they were both howling with laughter, Daniel rolling on the ground gasping, trying to catch his breath.

Finally, Jack took a deep breath, trying to break the feedback loop of laughter. “Daniel?” He wiped his eyes, trying to focus. “What the hell-’ He had to stop for a breath, and a high pitched little laugh that he broke off as quickly as possible, telling himself it was not a giggle. Air Force Colonels do not giggle. “What the hell are we laughing at?”

“Oh, god, Jack!” Daniel was wheezing. “Did you hear what I just said? I can’t believe you didn’t say anything. Long Johns, Ding Dongs…why do all these cream filled deserts have phallic names? Oh, man, that’s funny. ‘Hey sailor, need somebody to suck the cream filling out of your Ho Ho?’” He burst out into high-pitched laughter again, and Jack just couldn’t help but join in.

“Is that a Twinkie in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” That one got another snort from Daniel. Encouraged, Jack tried again. “Oh, baby, I wanna suck on your cream horn.”

“Oooh,” Daniel leaned up onto one elbow, looking at Jack with glazed-over eyes. “Cream horns – that’s what I want. Oh, Jack, I’d die for a cream horn right now.”

“Yeah?” Jack took a deep breath, regret tingeing his voice. “Well, sorry I can’t help you with that, Daniel, but it’s against regulations, you know?” Jack finished his Snickers bar, still chuckling to himself, then reached over and shoved the wrapper into his backpack. When he turned back, Daniel had a sour look on his face, like he’d just bitten into a lemon.

“Regulations. Regulations.” Daniel reached down with his free hand, which just happened to have a half-eaten Snickers in it and grabbed his crotch. “Regulate this. I’m so sick and tired of regulations, Jack.”

Jack swallowed the last of his candy bar, jerking his eyes away from the Snickers in Daniel’s fist – the one directly in front of Daniel’s crotch. He grabbed his canteen, drinking hard and long, then held it out to Daniel, hoping he’d reach for the canteen and move that hand. But Daniel just shook his head, watching moodily as Jack set the canteen down next to his backpack.

Jack blinked, wiping his suddenly sweaty palms on his pants legs. If Daniel didn’t move his hand soon, Jack was going to do something he knew he’d regret. He looked back at Daniel, his eyes drawn to the half-eaten candy bar that was poking out of his fist. Before he realized it, Jack was on his hands and knees leaning over Daniel’s crotch, his mouth coming closer and closer until his teeth closed over the Snickers bar. He sat back on his heels as he chewed. Jack’s face was flushed and he wondered just exactly what he’d gotten himself into, but he wasn’t about to back down now.

Daniel stared at him wide eyed, mouth open as Jack took his time chewing. Finally Jack swallowed, and licked his lips, his eyes on Daniel’s face, trying to gage his reaction. He watched Daniel absently lick his own lips, probably not even realizing he’d done it. Then Daniel brought the candy bar to his own mouth and took a bite, lowering his hand again and placing the bar right back over his crotch, his eyes never leaving Jack’s.

Jack knew he’d already stepped over the line. He knew he needed to sit back against the cave wall and pretend he’d never done anything at all. But he looked back down at the candy bar and realized he could see the outline of Daniel’s cock peeking around his hand. Fuck it, he thought to himself, might as well eat desert first. So he leaned back over, nudged Daniel’s hand out of the way and ran his lips along the length of Daniel’s cock. He knew it was his imagination, but he thought he could feel the heat of it, right through Daniel’s BDU’s.

Daniel gasped, and dropped what was left of his candy bar, his hand pressing on the back of Jack’s head, pushing Jack’s face into his groin. Jack opened his mouth, breathing hot, moist air over the head of his cock and Daniel moaned, loudly. Jack used his teeth, biting gently along the length of it before raising his head long enough to find the buttons on Daniel’s pants.

Daniel moaned, “Oh, god!” and leaned back on both elbows, watching Jack unbutton his pants, and lifting his hips to allow Jack to tug them down around his knees. Jack lay down on his side; one elbow on the ground between Daniel’s spread legs and stared at the tip of Daniel’s hard cock. He’d never had a cock in his mouth before, but hey, he knew a number of women who seemed to enjoy it, so what the hell. He pulled the foreskin back with one hand, leaned forward, and licked the end of it. Weird but not bad, and it was kind of funny the way it moved with his tongue.

He did it again, and realized Daniel had moaned, both times. Huh. He’d almost forgotten that Daniel was on the other end of this. He realized about then that his own cock was rock hard. It seemed to have happened while he wasn’t paying attention. He grinned; this was more about Daniel than him anyway, at the moment, so he concentrated on Daniel’s pleasure. He ran his fingers down the hardening cock as he looked up to see Daniel watching him. Daniel opened his mouth in a silent “O” as Jack squeezed his hand around the base, and Jack laughed out loud, bent down and took the head of Daniel’s cock into his mouth, sucking on it gently, a little surprised at how slick the skin felt against his tongue.

Daniel moaned loudly. “Oh, god, Jack. That feels so good.”

He thought Daniel sounded surprised. What? Did he think that Jack couldn’t make him feel good? Well, he’d see about that. Jack reached for Daniel’s balls, rubbing them lightly, never stopping the gentle sucking he was giving the head, and Daniel’s breath caught in a gasp. He pulled his mouth off Daniel’s swollen dick with a wet, popping sound.

“You like that, Daniel?” He licked a line up the underside of Daniel’s cock, then pumped his hand up and down while he looked up at him. His face was flushed and he was breathing rapidly, his eyes locked on Jack’s. His hips jerked up into Jack’s fist and Jack laughed, low and scratchy. “I guess that’s a yes.” He rolled Daniel’s warm balls in his other hand and got another moan.

“Mmmmm, that’s nice.”

“Nice, huh?” Jack grinned as he realized that each new thing he did resulted in a different sound from Daniel. He wondered how many different noises he could get, and decided that was a worthy goal, so he ducked his head and flicked his tongue into the slit. Daniel moved his hips again, this time with a little grunting noise. Cool. This was fun. He leaned down even farther and sucked one of Daniel’s balls into his mouth, rolling it around on his tongue, pressing it up against the roof of his mouth.

That got a strained gasp, but he’d already gotten a gasp, so he let the ball fall out of his mouth and blew on the wet sack. The skin drew up. That was kind of cool. So he repeated the whole thing on the other side. He was bored with Daniel’s balls by then, so he went back to his cock. It was only then that Jack realized he’d moved his left hand down to his own neglected cock. He gave it a squeeze and a promise of later, and moved his hand back up so it was pumping away at the base of Daniel’s cock again, while he licked all the way around the crown.

There was a bead of precome on the slit, so he sucked on the tip, his tongue stroking the slit, surprised at the salty, slightly bitter taste of Daniel’s precome. That move got the best noise yet, this high pitched whine that made Jack lift his head and look up at Daniel's face in surprise. Daniel’s eyes were closed, but when Jack let go of his cock again, he opened them, crying out in frustration.

“Please, Jack. Stop teasing me, just suck my cock!” He looked desperate, and Jack realized he had been playing around for a while now, so he ducked back down and concentrated on Daniel’s cock. His left hand pumped steadily at the base, and he took the crown into his mouth again and started sucking. He moved his mouth up and down over the top third or so, while his hand covered the rest, and he got a good rhythm going.

Daniel wasn’t talking any more, just breathing really fast and moaning, and even if Jack had heard the moans before, he kind of liked them. It made him feel like he was doing a good job. Hey, it was his first blow job ever, he could pat himself on the back just a bit. Daniel’s hips started moving jerkily, and Jack struggled to incorporate that into the rhythm he had going already, but it was kind of awkward. He was concentrating so hard on making it all work together that he was totally unprepared for Daniel’s orgasm.

Oh, he thought brilliantly, as Daniel cried out his name and his mouth filled with come. Shit! He hadn’t thought about this part – he had no idea what to do. So, he swallowed. It took two or three gulps before Daniel stopped spurting, and Jack slowly let his cock fall from his lips. He flopped onto his back, his head resting on Daniel’s knee.

Holy shit. He’d just given Daniel a blow job. And he’d swallowed. His hand groped for his canteen and he tilted it, letting the water pour into his mouth. Water dripped down the side of his face so he wiped it off with the back of his hand, dropping the canteen in the general direction of his backpack. That was better. But his mind was still racing.

He’d barely begun thinking about Daniel sexually – right now, three or four months didn’t seem like a long enough time to get used to the idea. And what about Daniel? Until ten minutes ago, Daniel had never given him any indication he would be receptive to any advances Jack might make. To just start sucking away at his cock was probably not the best way to introduce him to the idea. He hadn’t even decided he wanted to let Daniel know. Regs and all. Well, like he ever followed them anyway, but still. They were there for a reason. What if-”

Daniel interrupted his wildly racing thoughts by sitting up, leaning over Jack’s face and kissing him soundly. Jack’s mouth opened automatically when Daniel’s tongue slid along his lips, and he wrapped his hand around the back of Daniel’s neck, holding on tight. The kiss was wild and passionate, and Jack was having trouble concentrating, so he just stopped thinking all together, and lost himself in the kiss. That was probably best, anyway.

Jack didn’t even realize Daniel had moved, until his hips bucked up automatically into Daniel’s hand as he palmed Jack’s cock through his pants. Jack moaned into Daniel’s mouth, finally getting a chance to speak when Daniel broke the kiss to pull some much needed air into his lungs. In the heat of the moment, he’d forgotten all about his own erection, though he couldn’t imagine how he’d managed that. But the moment Daniel touched him it all came flooding back. Oh, god, did it ever.

“Touch me, Daniel. Please. It’s not going to take much. I was so turned on by touching you, licking your cock. Christ.” His hands reached for the buttons on his BDU’s, fumbling in his hurry, shoving them down just enough to free his cock. “Touch me.”

And Daniel did. His mouth came down onto Jack’s, at the same time his hand grabbed Jack’s cock, rubbing the precome he gathered from the tip down along the length. And then he started to stroke, and it was Jack’s turn to moan. Daniel’s hand was warm and eager, and it felt so good to have his fist wrapped tightly around Jack’s cock. He came after just half a dozen strokes, crying out into Daniel’s mouth, his back arching as he froze from the intensity of his orgasm.

Once he’d caught his breath, Daniel kissed him one last time, shorter but just as intense, then plopped onto his back, casually wiping his hand off on the leg of his BDU’s. Jack was totally spent. He thought he should probably get up and walk the perimeter or build up the fire or do something Colonel-like. It was his job after all. He laughed to himself. Not gonna happen. You’d think the least he could do was pull his pants up and button them. But he had no energy whatsoever, so he let his eyes drift shut – just for a few minutes. He’d get up and do – something…*official*…in a couple of minutes.

“Colonel O’Neill.” General Hammond’s voice was loud in Jack’s ear, and he went from sound asleep to wide awake in a second, jumping to his feet and grabbing his BDU’s before the tug of gravity could pull them to the ground. “Colonel O’Neill, please respond.” Jack sighed with relief as he realized the voice was coming from the radio on his shoulder. He nudged Daniel’s bare hip with his boot as he activated his radio.

“O’Neill here, General.”

“Good to hear your voice, Colonel. You’ve been out of contact for three hours. I see the storm is finally over. What’s your ETA for the gate?”

Jack looked down at Daniel who was making groggy noises and fumbling for his underwear, which had somehow worked its way down to his ankles while they slept. His soft cock was lying on one thigh, and it was all Jack could do not to reach down and touch it. He dragged his eyes and thoughts away from Daniel, staring at the smoldering fire as he tried to gather together enough wits to answer the question. Then he had to pause, to try and remember the question. What were they talking about?

“Colonel O’Neill? Are you alright?”

He shook his head to clear it, and decided that honesty was probably the best policy at this point. Well, to an extent, anyway.

“Yes sir. I think so. However, we should probably have some tox screens run when we get back. We got some kind of spore or something all over our hands, and I think we uh…well, we got pretty high for a while there, sir.”

“What happened? Are you ill?”

“Oh, no sir. We just got kind of silly for a bit, got the munchies and passed out. We just woke up; it put us out like a light. We’ve got samples of the…whatever it is, for the labs, and now that I’m waking up, I’m pretty sure it has mostly worked its way out of my system. I’m not sure about Daniel, yet. If not, I’m sure the trip back to the gate will sober him up. We’ll be on our way in 10 minutes, and should be back at the gate in an hour and a half, tops.”

“Should we send the rest of your team back for you?”

“Negative, General. We’ll be cutting through the forest, to get to the main road; we could easily miss each other in the woods. Then you’d have 4 people wandering around instead of two. I’ve got my compass and my sense of direction, we’ll be fine, sir.”

“Very well. We’ll check back on you every half-hour until you show up. After two hours we’ll send in reinforcements.”

“That’s fine, General, we should see you before things get that far. O’Neil out.”

He looked back down at Daniel. He’d managed to pull up his pants, although they still gaped open at the crotch and he could see Daniel’s underwear beneath the open buttons. Too bad, he’d rather see skin, but damn, even covered up he looked good.

His t-shirt was rucked up under his arms baring his well defined abs. Yeah, the working out was definitely worth the time Daniel’d been putting into it lately. Propped up on one elbow, his hair tousled, face flushed, he stared up at Jack with half-lidded eyes, and Jack started to feel the beginnings of arousal. Whoa, he needed to nip this in the bud right now.

Jack turned away and started putting out what was left of the fire. “Come on, Daniel, we have to get back to the gate, ASAP. Get busy.” Much to Jack’s frustration, Daniel did not move. Unless you counted the hand that was absently rubbing across one nipple – looked like he was still pretty high, he may not even have known he was doing it.

“Do we have to?” He stretched, slowly, arching his back and moaning at the sensation. His voice was lazy and low, and sent a shiver up Jack’s spine. “Let them send out the marines for us, Jack. It’ll give us an extra hour or so. I’m sure we could think of something to do until they showed up. I’m fairly sure I’m still high, what about you?”

“No, I’m pretty much over it, Daniel. I think you did get a larger dose than me. Sorry, but we really need to get going.”

Daniel fell back onto the hard dirt floor with a sigh. Was he pouting? Yeah, that looked like a pout to Jack. He hated it when Daniel pouted, it was cheap shot; Daniel knew he had no resistance to that. “I don’t think I can walk that far, Jack, and besides, you haven’t fucked me yet. If I’m finally going to have sex with a man, the least you could do was fuck me.”

“What?” He looked over at Daniel, expecting some kind of joke, but no, it looked like he was perfectly serious. “Daniel.” He struggled to keep his voice even, and his cock inside his BDU’s, although at Daniel’s last comment, it had redoubled its struggles to get out. “Have you been fucked before? Do you have any idea what you’re talking about?”

Daniel frowned at him. “Of course I have, Jack. Well, it wasn’t quite the same thing, but yeah. I liked it.” He sat up, so he could scoot closer to Jack, who was stunned, sitting by the remains of the fire where he’d landed when he heard Daniel’s last statement. He leaned in to Jack, speaking in a low, sensual voice that thickened Jack’s cock even more.

“I had a girlfriend in grad school, before I met Sarah. She had this great video called ‘Bend Over Boyfriend.’ It came with a dildo and a harness. I liked it. A lot. I feel sorry for women. They can never know what it’s really like – you’ve got to have a prostate to really appreciate anal sex.”

Jack just blinked at him. He couldn’t think of a single thing to say. But that seemed to be okay with Daniel; obviously a response was not necessary. “The silicone dildo was very life-like. But still, it was definitely not a real cock. And I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be fucked by a real cock. I didn’t even get to blow you, Jack. Although I did get to taste my come in your mouth…I love that.”

Jack’s cock was beating on the inside of his pants now, demanding to be let out, but he ruthlessly squashed it, and bit back the moan that threatened to emerge, handing Daniel the last of the coffee that had been sitting on a stone near the fire for the last couple of hours. He had to clear his throat twice before any words would come out. “Drink your coffee, Daniel. We need to get out of here.” He stood up and moved over to his backpack, rearranging things that didn’t need it, just to have something to do.

“Don’t tell me you don’t want me, Jack. Your cock is calling you a liar; I can see it from here.”

Jack turned back to him, “That’s not the point, Daniel. If I had been sober earlier, I never would have allowed this to happen off world. This cannot ever happen again – not off world. My career is at stake here, Daniel. And although nothing happened this time, that kind of recklessness could have cost us both our lives. I will not jeopardize either of those things for a chance to get into your pants.

“Hell yes, I’ll break a regulation, I’ve broken plenty in my day, but this is not one I will compromise on. Your life is too important to me to take chances with it. If, when you’ve come down and we’re back home and sober, you’re still interested in – in me fucking you, well – I won’t turn you down. Okay?”

Daniel got to his feet, and crossed over to Jack. Staring into his eyes, he gave Jack a warm smile that made Jack’s insides just melt. “I think I’ve changed my mind, Jack. I don’t want you to fuck me – but I’d be thrilled if you’d make love with me when we get home.”

Jack let out a big breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, and grabbed Daniel, kissing him hard and passionately until they both had to break for air. Daniel dropped one of the hands he’d had wrapped around Jack’s waist, smoothing it over the curve of his ass. Jack moaned, nuzzled in to Daniel’s ear, dropping a kiss right below it before whispering. “I think I can handle that.”

Daniel broke away from him then, and headed toward his pack. “Good, but I need to keep my distance from you until then. ‘Cause I almost just tried to go for your cock and we can’t have that happening once we get back to the mountain. It might cause talk.”

Jack took a couple of deep breaths to clear his head. Thank goodness. It looked like Daniel was coming round. An hour of hiking through the wet grass should sober him up, and keep him going until they could get out of the SGA and over to Jack’s house, or Daniel’s – he wasn’t picky.

Daniel slung his backpack over his shoulders, adjusting it as he looked into the darkness at the far end of the cave. “Too bad. We’ll probably never know where that cave leads. What a shame.” He looked back speculatively at Jack. “Think I could get you to go spelunking with me sometime, Jack?”

Jack laughed, “I don’t think so, Daniel. I just don’t see the attraction.”

“Oh, c’mon, Jack! It’s an adventure. Exploring new worlds. Places no one has seen in maybe hundreds of years.”

As they stepped out into the late afternoon sun, Jack was grateful this planet had a longer day than their own. The sun sparkled off the water drops left from the thundershower, and everything was bright and fresh. He couldn’t even be sorry there were trees everywhere. At least they were nice trees. Hey, at the moment, everything was nice. He grinned at that, and tuned in to whatever Daniel was saying.

“Just think, Jack. You and your flashlight could explore the depths of ‘the place where the sun don’t shine’, ‘where no man has ever gone before’…” Jack’s head turned so fast it almost made him dizzy, and Daniel gave him an evil grin. “Yeah, I didn’t think you were paying attention. So you like that idea, Jack? You and your flashlight want to go exploring tonight?” Daniel wiggled his eyebrows, and Jack laughed out loud and almost walked right into a low-hanging branch.

“Flashlight, Daniel?”

“Well, what do you call it? The little Colonel?”

“No.” Jack kept his answer short. He was not going to get pulled into this conversation.

“The F-302 of Love? The Heat Seeking Moisture Missile? Mr. Happy?”

He groaned. “Stop, please. I’m in pain, here.”

“I can’t stop, Jack, I’m on a roll. You and your wiener dog will just have to struggle along.”

“Hey, that’s no wiener dog!”

“No, you’re right, I have had first hand experience, and I know for a fact that it’s more like a sausage. One of those big fat, juicy homemade sausages, with a bit of a curve in them, you know?” There was an evil glint in Daniel’s eyes as he continued. “Well, Jack. You and your sausage can go spelunking in my cave anytime you want.”

Jack moaned, loudly. This was torture, pure and simple. “God, Daniel…a spelunking sausage? I’m never gonna get that image out of my mind, now. And we have to face Hammond in an hour, damn you.” Jack sighed melodramatically. “And to think this started out as such a nice day.”
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