Paper cuts and Telepathy by Cynic_al
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Category: General
Genres: Friendship, Humor, Smarm
Rated: Pre-Teen
Warnings: None
Series: None
Summary: Daniel gets a paper cut and the whole base goes on alert.

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Author's Chapter Notes:
My attempt at humor. The rating is for Daniel's dirty mouth, he must have got it from Jack :D
Paper-cuts and Telepathy

“OW! Shit!”

“Whoa! Hey, Jackson, what’s the ruckus?” Mitchell swung into Daniel’s office spinning a basketball on his fingertip.

“What? Oh, nothing, a paper-cut.” Jackson sucked his finger until the bleeding stopped.

“That must have spurted a bit.” said Mitchell.

“Why?”

“It looks like you dripped some on your rock there.”

Daniel looked around his desk. There were small spots of blood across all the paper, and a couple of artifacts sat there.

“I shook my hand; I guess it must have flicked. Oh no,” he said noticing a rather large splotch had landed squarely on the face of the tablet he was reading. “Dammit, blood never comes out.”

“Well, since you seem to be at a stopping point anyway how about a game of hoops?”

Daniel sighed and took off his glasses. He rubbed his eyes and replaced the lens. “Fine, I guess I can drop this off at restoration on the way down. They may be able to do something if they get it soon enough.”

“That’s the ticket!”

Daniel scribbled a quick note put it and the tablet into a small box and set off down the hall with Mitchell in toe.


Both men changed quickly, and headed out to the court.

“So, Jackson, can I call you Dan?”

Daniel looked at him strangely as if he was trying to tell the young Colonel something without actually saying it, then he smiled and shook his head.

“Don’t you think that would just make things worse?” he asked as Mitchell began to dribble around the court.

“How so?”

“Well, if I let you call me Dan, which nobody does by the way, then I’d have to call you Cam, and then it would be like some absurd farce when we’re out on a mission.”

Mitchell frowned then took a shot at the net; Jackson blocked him and took possession of the ball.

“How is it a farce if I call you Dan, and you call me Cam?” he asked as Daniel maneuvered around him to set up a hook shot and make it.

“Okay, let’s put this in a hypothetical, we’re on a mission and we meet some locals, you me, Sam and Teal’c. So what am I supposed to say, hello we’re peaceful explorers from the planet earth, I’m Dan that’s Cam, Sam and Teal’c.” Daniel paused to make a jump shot; intercepted by Mitchell he continued. “Come on, Sam, Cam, Dan and Teal’c? It sounds like some absurd TV show for kids. Jack already called me and Sam the science twins, with you in the mix we’d never hear the end of it, I can hear it now; they’ll rename the team the three Musgateers and Teal’c. Wonderful!”

“I’ll just stick to Jackson then shall I?”

“I think that would be best, Colonel.”

The game was a lockout; neither man seemed able to get by the other for a clear shot they were both tired and sweating by the time Mitchell dealt Daniel a neat hip check and made a basket. Jackson went down hard on his ass, and after his victory lap, Mitchell gave him a hand up.

“Ow,” said Jackson pulling his hand away.

“What? I didn’t hit you that hard.”

“No, but you opened my paper-cut.”

“Maybe you should grab a band-aid for that; it looks pretty deep.”

Daniel looked at his finger oozing blood. “It didn’t look this bad before.”

“It was bleeding heavy enough to spurt all over your office.”

“My office,” Daniel’s eyes widened, “Oh shit.”

“What?” but Jackson was already gone running down the corridor towards his office. Mitchell ran to keep up, and managed to pant out, “What’s going on?”

“I have to stop Sam.”

“Stop Sam?” Just then the base alarm sounded.

“Too late.” Daniel slowed down, and began to walk.

“How do you know this was Sam?”

“Because I was supposed to meet her for lunch.”

“She sounded the alarm because you were late for lunch.”

“No, I’m always late she has to come get me.”

“From your office?”

“Yes.”

“But you’re not there.”

“No.”

“Sam would sound the alarm because you’re not in your office?”

“No, she’d sound the alarm because I’m not in my office and there’s blood spatter all over the place.”

“Ah.” said Mitchell finally understanding.

Sam was stood outside the door to Daniel’s office, directing SF’s and techs who were arriving in answer to her call. Daniel raised his hand over the crowd to get her attention.

“Err, Sam.”
She glanced over, at the two men. “Just a minute Daniel,” she continued speaking with the SF until the realization hit her. “Daniel?”

Jackson tried not to smile, desperate not to laugh but the look on her face was priceless. “You’re all dismissed.” she said suddenly, “and cancel the alarm.” The group wisely scattered until there was only, Daniel, Mitchell, and Sam left.

“You were late for lunch.” she said her tone, flat.

“I know,” said Daniel, “I was in the gym.”

“So I see.” her gaze flicked over his damp vest and sweat pants. “You know there’s blood, spattered all over your desk in there.”

“Yeah,” said Daniel holding up his finger, “Paper-cut.” he said with a shrug and a placating smile.

“A paper-cut?” Sam glared at him.

“It kind of flicked when I shook it.” he said making the slight gesture.

“I thought something had happened.”

“I know; I got here as soon as I realized.”

“You were late.”

“I know; I’m sorry.”

“I’m glad it was only a paper-cut.” Sam softened.

“I’d give you a hug, but I don’t think you appreciate being covered in BO de Jackson.”

Sam laughed and then cringed. “Oh, god, how am I going to explain a paper-cut to the general?”

“Give me fifteen minutes.” said Daniel, “I’ll get changed and go up with you.”

“Oh, this I have to see.” said Mitchell following Jackson to the locker room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

General Landry looked up in disbelief at the two most senior field personnel under his command, Mitchell stood off to the right standing at ease with barely disguised glee.

“A paper-cut?” he asked again, because that couldn’t be the reason; there was no way he’d mobilized half the SF’s on base because of a paper-cut. But the two in front of him just nodded. Jackson seemed to find the whole affair exceedingly amusing though he schooled his expression to look guilty. Interesting skill, noted Landry, Lt. Colonel Carter on the other hand looked extremely embarrassed by the incident. Landry sighed. “Alright,” he said, “dismissed.” The trio left and the General saw Jackson put a conciliatory arm around Carter’s shoulders and give her a squeeze.

“Okay,” said Mitchell as they left the office, “let me ask you something. If you walked into my office and found blood, would you sound the alarm?”

“It depends on how much blood,” said Sam, “if it was a puddle, probably; if it was a few drops no. I’d check everywhere else first before I sounded the alarm. But to be fair, I’ve known Daniel longer and when he’s on base and not in the infirmary he’s in his office it’s almost a scientific fact.”

Daniel gave her a look.

“But we’re on earth, what made you so sure he was in trouble you needed to sound the alarm?” asked Mitchell.

“Well, like I said, I know Daniel whether it’s on earth or somewhere out in the galaxy trouble has him lo-jacked for easy finding. Not to mention the last time he was a no show for lunch he was kidnapped by the Trust blackmailed and zatted unconscious.” Sam shrugged as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Mitchell just rolled his eyes.

“So,” said Daniel looking at his two teammates, “lunch?” he asked offering Sam his arm. She smiled at the very Jack gesture, and took the arm.

“You know what’s really weird though?” asked Mitchell on the way to the commissary.

“What?” Sam asked.

“As soon as Jackson here remembered he’d left his office with a fascinating blood spatter décor he knew exactly what you were going to do.”

“Eight years as friends and teammates will do that for you.” Daniel shrugged.

They continued on but Mitchell trailed behind thinking. Eight years? How was he supposed to lead them? Was he always going to be the new guy? Was this too much to handle?

“Hey, Colonel,” called Daniel over his shoulder, “introspection is all well and good, but I’m hungry so leave it until after we eat.”

Mitchell laughed. “How did you know I was being introspective?”

“It’s a look you get.”

“A look?”

“Yeah, Jack used to have one just like it except he looked like he was in dire need of some prunes.”

Sam laughed, “Yeah, I remember that look well, especially when I tried explaining wormhole physics to him.”

“Yep, that would do it.” said Daniel.

“Okay that’s great but why did you notice that in me?”

“Because I’m a linguist.” he shrugged.

“That means nothing to me.”

“Let’s just get something to eat.” said Sam. They joined the line and then took their trays to SG-1’s regular table in the back of the room.

“The perfect table.” said Daniel, “tactically speaking of course.” The table was up against the corner with a clear line of sight across both exits and a full panorama of the entire room. “Jack’s so paranoid sometimes, it’s scary.” he said sitting with his back to the wall.

Sam smiled and slid in next to him, Mitchell plopped down in front of them leaning forward he asked.

“What did you mean?”

“About what?”

“About being a linguist.”

“I am a linguist.”

“Yeah and what’s that got to do with my face?”

“Your face, is a language all its own.”

“Are you hitting on me?”

Daniel frowned and gave him a bemused look. “No, though the assumption speaks to your character.”

Mitchell had turned red.

“Just tell him Daniel.” said Sam impatient to get on to the other things.

“Fine, I study languages and communication not all forms of communication are verbal.”

“Like sign language for deaf people?”

“Right, but what I mean is a lot more subtle. Being on SG-1 has taught me the importance of being able to anticipate your teammate’s actions and incorporate them into the situation. Now, some of this takes time learning a person’s character and moods, but a lot can be gotten from just paying attention to people’s expressions and gestures. Once you have it down, you can almost read each other’s minds.”

“Can you tell what I’m thinking now?”

Daniel regarded the man for a second smiled and said.

“No.”

Mitchell laughed in triumph, and got up from the table.

“But the bathrooms are straight down the hall and to the left.”

Sam almost spit out her mouthful of jell-o at the look on Mitchell’s face. Daniel just smiled at his departing back.

“I know what you’re thinking.” said Sam looking after Mitchell.

“What’s that?” Daniel asked.

“I think he has a lot to learn too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N I wanted to write a really long angsty and whumping story about Daniel, but this came out instead! Oh well, follow where the muse leads I guess. Let me know what you think it's the only way I'll learn.

Thanks Cynic_Al
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