Netscapade by Aurora Novarum
[Reviews - 3] Printer
Category: General
Genres: Action/Adventure, Friendship, Humor, Team
Rated: All Ages
Warnings: None
Series: None
Summary: Season Nine era SG-1 gets all tied up while off-world.

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Author's Chapter Notes:
Inspired by Teal'c's canonical love of "Star Wars" and an lj icon drawing of the team in peril. Set post-"Prototype", but no specific spoilers.
On P5X-332, Samantha Carter and Daniel Jackson were ensconced in the alien labs down at the end of corridor: Sam running her scanners and other scientific devices that were mere gibberish to her teammates, Daniel translating the alien text on monitors that were equally incomprehensible to the rest.

In the meantime Teal'c and Cameron Mitchell had finished the rest of their patrol. Aside from the one lab, there was nothing of interest on the planet. Abandoned centuries ago, except for a large heaping of dust and some trashed furniture, there was nothing but a bunch of what looked to Mitchell to be rodent holes interspersed throughout a few of the chambers.

"Not a creature stirring, not even a mouse." Mitchell muttered.

Teal'c raised his eyebrow. Mitchell started to explain. "It's a quote from a Christmas story..."

Teal'c interrupted. "T'was the Night Before Christmas. I have read the poem many times to Cassandra Fraiser. I am puzzled why you reference it in April."

"Well, the holes." Mitchell gestured to the small holes. "I was thinking they were made by alien mice, but I'm fresh out of cheese to test the theory." Cam grinned.

"The holes could indicate many things, Colonel Mitchell." Teal'c glared at Mitchell.

"Indiana Jones," Mitchell muttered as his eyes widened. "You don't think...snakes?"

Teal'c's jaw set as his eyebrow raised. After a pause, he spoke. "Their even spacing would indicate an intelligent, artificial pattern."

"Good point." Mitchell looked around the walls and noting the set intervals of the holes. "Maybe Jackson would have a theory." He moved closer to study the depressions, reaching out with his hand.

"Don't!" Daniel Jackson's voice echoed through the chamber. He and Sam had just run into the room, joining their teammates and spotting Mitchell's actions.

"Cam, no!" Sam breathlessly echoed Daniel's warning.

Mitchell jumped at the statements, his hand brushing over the hole as he wondered if it was a trick of light that seemed to show a beam in its depths.

An instant later, Teal'c too called out "Colonel Mitchell!"

Suddenly there was a flash a light and the team's world turned upside-down.

Some kind of net, made from energy, but solid as hemp rope interwove and enmeshed the foursome, trapping them together and suspending them from the air like groceries in a sack.

After a few moments, Daniel spoke first. "Is everyone all right?"

"My arm is trapped behind me, but...I'm okay." Sam's voice sounded muffled.

"I am fine." Teal'c responded next.

Mitchell coughed. "Got the wind knocked out of me for a second, but yeah. How 'bout you?"

"Um, not the most comfortable, but no serious injuries." He paused a half-second before continuing. "Maybe a little nauseous."

The others also focused on the back and forth swaying motion of this large net.

"You really didn't have to mention that. There's a reason I joined the Air Force, not the Navy." Cam looked around. "So...suggestions?"

There was slight jostling making the net sway even more. Finally Sam let out a huff of frustration. "Both my arms are pretty well pinned."

"Can anyone reach my utility knife?" Daniel spoke up. "I can't get to it myself, but well...one of you guys seems close."

"I'll try." Mitchell stretched an arm out between the space of the strands of the net. "Yeah, I think I'm reaching something...yeah, like someone's pack."

Sam gasped. Her voice held a dangerous tone. "That's not a pack. And it's not Daniel."

Mitchell dropped his hand back as if he'd been burned. "Oh. Sorry, Sam, er, Carter...Colonel." He cleared his throat and quickly changed the subject. "How about you, Teal'c? Any chance on your end?"

"I too am well restrained." Teal'c sounded perfectly calm.

They hung there in silence for a few minutes, gathering their thoughts and waiting for swaying caused by their jostling motions to stop.

"I can't believe this is happening to us." Sam sighed. The "again" remained unspoken.

Mitchell groaned. "If SG-2 hears about this, Col. Ferretti is never going to let us hear the end of it. I was hearing rumors of a bet."

"He did indeed. As to when you would next set off an alien device, Colonel Mitchell." Teal'c responded dryly.

"Oh, now that is completely unfair!"

The silence from the rest of the team was deafening. Mitchell continued to protest. "Hey, don't start that 'New Guy' stuff with me again! I was merely investigating an anomaly in the wall. I've been the leader of this team for months now. This reputation I've somehow developed is completely blown out of proportion."

"Your argument would hold more merit if we were not trapped in a net made by alien technology."

"Your support is overwhelming, Teal'c," Mitchell grumped. "Now I'll have to figure out a way to kill Ferretti."

"Don't worry about it." Daniel laughed. "Lou's linguist shared a mistranslation SNAFU a few missions ago that he wouldn't want to make the rounds. I can use it for leverage to keep this out of the rumor mill. It is all our reputations after all."

"You never shared that story." Sam said.

"I've been sworn to secrecy that only lethal embarrassment could make me reveal...or use for blackmail."

"Jackson, you continue to surprise me." Mitchell's voice held a hint of admiration.

Their conversation died off and they kept silent for several minutes, broken only by the occasional grunt or movements as someone tried to adjust their position. Finally Daniel spoke up again. "I doubt anyone's going to come see what the catch of the day is. All indications Sam and I found showed this place was abandoned long ago."

"Kept all their goodies running though, didn't they? Say did you two find anything in that lab worth writing home about?"

Sam's voice was strained. "Why don't we stay focused on trying to get out of this mess?"

Teal'c spoke up. "This situation would already be resolved if we had an astromech droid with us."

"A...what?" Daniel sounded bewildered.

"Astromech droid," came Teal'c's reply, completely deadpan.

"Teal'c, this is not Star Wars," said Mitchell.

"On the contrary, Colonel Mitchell. Events have transpired similar to when the heroes were caught in the Ewoks' trap in Return of the Jedi."

"Good point. This wasn't...Furling technology, was it?"

"What? Why?" Sam asked.

"I just wouldn't want tiny Ewoks coming after us as soon as we get down."

Daniel sputtered. "You know, there have been no indications that the Furlings look anything like Ewoks. There have been so many diverse alien creatures we have encountered."

"But we've never actually met a Furling, have we?" Mitchell pressed his point. "They could be killer teddy bears for all we know!"

Sam's voice grew concerned. "Cam, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Sam." Mitchell replied, "but the blood is starting to go to my head, and if we follow Teal'c's Star Wars motif, I don't want to be the first on the list for a bonfire barbecue."

"Wait, how do you figure you'd be first?" Daniel asked.

"Well, Han Solo was picked first in the movie."

"And in this scenario, you're Han Solo?" Daniel's voice was skeptical.

"Well...yeah. I mean you're the one that's gone after all the meaning of life. Hell, you've even hung out as pure energy for a whole year. If that isn't the closest thing to Luke Skywalker and Jedi stuff, I don't know what is."

"And who would I be in this scenario, Colonel Mitchell?" Teal'c asked.

After a pause and some more jostling, Mitchell finally spoke again. "You know, Jackson's right. It's not necessarily an exact correlation. And short furry monsters will likely not attack us as soon as we...waaah!"

The rest of Mitchell's comments were cut off as the net broke free. SG-1 dropped to the floor, sending up a cloud of dust on impact.

"What happened?" Daniel asked.

Sam coughed out her reply. "The way my arm was caught behind me, I was able to reach the front pocket of my pack and get my mini-torch."

"You didn't think to mention this?" Mitchell said.

"I was going to, but interrupt your movie discussion? I know better than to get between Teal'c and Star Wars commentary. Besides, I didn't expect them to give way so soon. I think age has weakened the strength of the net."

"Everyone okay?" Mitchell looked at all his teammates as he stood and dusted off his fatigues. The rest of the teammates were doing the same.

Daniel grabbed Sam's arm and held her wrist closer in the dim light. His expression was one of half worry, half scolding. Sam shook her head at the burn. "It was a tough angle, and I missed a bit." She twisted her arm back and forth showing full range of motion. "I'll be fine, and Dr. Lam will fix me right up when we get home."

"Speaking of which, I think we've worn out our welcome here. What say we blow this pop stand?" Mitchell checked his gear and started towards the Stargate.

"Indeed. I will take point." Teal'c quickly overtook Mitchell's stride and headed out.

"I wouldn't have touched anything else!" Mitchell called out after the Jaffa. "Jeez, you look at one hole."

Daniel shrugged as he fell into step beside Mitchell. "Perhaps he was insulted you decided not to compare him to a Star Wars character?"

"Are you kidding? I like all of my appendages. I think Teal'c would've been more insulted if I replied."

"You were going to say Chewbacca weren't you?" Daniel chuckled.

"Ummm. I suppose you have a better suggestion? I'd already taken out Han and Luke."

"Yes, thank you for that by the way." Daniel's tone was dry. After a moment, he mused, "Teal'c really likes Lando Calrissian."

Mitchell blinked. "You're kidding."

"Oh yeah. He's commented on Lando's smooth charm."

"Teal'c likes the way Lando talks?!"

Daniel shrugged. "I'm just saying..."

Mitchell shook his head. "It was just as well I stopped when I did anyway. I mean, I don't think Sam would've liked me calling her R2-D2 either."

Now it was Daniel's turn to stop. He spoke conspiratorially, still in shock. "You were going to compare Sam to one of the robots?"

"Hey, she's got all those scientific gadgets. And let's face it, she did cut through the net just like the droid did in the movie..." Mitchell's voice cut off as Sam brushed by him, knocking him off balance slightly as she passed.

"She heard me, didn't she?"

"I'd say so." Daniel nodded.

Mitchell gulped. "I should've gone with Princess Leia, shouldn't I've?"

"I would've," Daniel agreed.

"This is so not my day," Mitchell muttered shaking his head. "First the holes, now this...wait a minute."

"What?" Daniel glanced at him as they entered the clearing where the Stargate was set.

"How did you guys know to warn me about the holes?"

"I don't know what you mean." Daniel no longer was looking at Mitchell, instead directing his attention to where Sam was dialing the DHD.

"No, you and Sam came running in like bats out of hell. You yelled at me to stop before Teal'c and I noticed a thing, and Teal'c had been studying those holes already. How'd you realize what I was doing?"

"We saw you by the hole and the red light." Daniel's expression was blank, his voice had no intonation. Mitchell looked from him to Sam, who was studiously concentrating on dialing, her ears pink.

"You guys did something in that lab, didn't you? You set off something that activated their security system."

The Stargate activated with a large kawoosh.

"I don't know what you mean." Daniel repeated.

"Oh, no, now wait. I'm not taking the fall for this. Not if there's more to this."

"Well, we agreed this little net-scapade would be more glossed over in our Landry debrief, right?" Sam's voice was stern just before she stepped through. Apparently she still wasn't over the R2-D2 comment.

"Yeah, but this conversation isn't over." Mitchell scolded.

"What conversation?" Daniel raised his eyebrows innocently before backing through the event horizon.

"Wait--I--what..?" Mitchell looked at Teal'c, bewildered. "I am the commander of this team, right?"

Teal'c gave an enigmatic smile and bowed his head slightly.

Mitchell shook his head. "I swear, some days I feel like I'm the Rodney Dangerfield of the SGC."

"It will be fine, Colonel Mitchell. Though I suggest we watch the Star Wars again our next movie night to refresh your memory."

"Uh, that could be dangerous, Teal'c." Mitchell quailed by Teal'c's dark look. "Just not Return of the Jedi, okay? Maybe we'll do better with the new trilogy."

"Perhaps." Teal'c nodded. "But I would not recommend comparing any of us to Jar Jar Binks."

Mitchell followed Teal'c through the Stargate. "Right."

Fin.
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