Take the Cake by Aurora Novarum
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Category: General
Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama, Friendship, Humor, Missing Scene/Episode-Related, Team
Rated: All Ages
Warnings: None
Series: What Would Jack Do?
Summary: SG-1 have to escape the clutches of a second-string Goa'uld.

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Story Notes:
Ninth story of the "What Would Jack Do?" series. Set immediately after "Off the Grid".
"Man, you weren't kidding. This really does happen to you guys all the time."

Jackson looked up from massaging his own forehead to shoot Cam a glare for that comment. Cam was still nursing a bump on the back of his own noggin as he leaned against the ha'tak prison wall. Behind him, he heard Sam snort from where she was fiddling with the control panel.

"What, you think we go 'looking' to save the galaxy every mission?" she asked. Through his own swollen eye, Cam caught the look the others shot at her. Sam must've caught it too, because she amended her statement. "Well, not all the time. The point is, trouble finds us more often than we find it."

"Indeed."

He really had a knot on his head, right at the base of the skull. He grumbled half to himself. "You could've warned me how much those damn ribbon devices hurt!"

Teal'c was unsympathetic. "You were only subjected to the blunt force blast, Colonel Mitchell. The short-range function is much more intense...and painful."

Cam couldn't help but wince as he turned to Jackson--who'd been lucky enough to score that honor from the Goa'uld. Jackson merely shrugged.

"Eh, you get used to it."

Cam's eyebrows lifted. Ouch. How could eyebrows hurt? "Really?"

Jackson chuckled ruefully. "No."

"Now see, this is what I'm talkin' about. The mission reports always gloss over all this stuff. Although, you really didn't have to antagonize him further."

"Antagonize him?" Now it was Jackson's eyebrows which rose–and then quickly lowered. Yeah, Cam figured that must hurt. Daniel was still nursing that shiner from the kassa mission gone bad even before Goldy took a shine to him. But worry made Cam press his point.

"Well, why'd you have to mock him by saying you never heard of him?"

"I wasn't mocking him. I really hadn't ever heard of him! It's not my fault the guy's a wanna-be system lord who's never been recorded in any history on Earth."

"Yeah, well not being known by SG-1 really seemed to piss him off." Especially since that was when Goldy decided to knock Cam up against the wall for the second time with that really bad jewelry. Cam shook his head. "Oooh." Shaking head was not good. He opened eyes he didn't realize he'd closed to see Jackson handing him some ibufprofens.

"You're the one who wanted to lead SG-1," he said, but his expression was sympathetic.

"No, I wanted to join SG-1." Cam corrected and swallowed the pills dry. "Remind me later what a crazy idea that was."

"I thought you liked crazy," Sam muttered. "Aha!"

"You've cracked it?" Jackson had gotten to his feet–a bit unsteadily but he crossed the small room to Sam's side quicker than Cam felt he could manage at the moment. He was still kinda seeing blurry edges around them all. Probably had another concussion, dammit.

He stumbled to his feet and wandered over to the pair. He thought he'd hid his stumbling–stupid bum leg shouldn't be giving him problems, but that Jaffa had kicked the tender spot. Teal'c was right behind him though and helped him regain his balance without a word. Apparently the others hadn't noticed.

Sam was jabbering some technical stuff, but he caught the last bit. "It would've taken me less time if I hadn't been looking for the added safeguard. These haven't been so easy to crack in years. This guy really isn't the brightest bulb."

Daniel nodded. "Probably why he's only trying to rise to power now that most of the Goa'uld have scattered or been killed."

"Mmm." Sam nodded absently, her hand over the panel as she looked at them. "Ready?"

Mitchell leaned against the edge of the door, ready to move as soon as it opened; Daniel had position on the other side and Teal'c stood in the center. And they thought Cam was foolhardy? In any case, they were ready for the expected guards. "That's a yes."

Their preparations were for naught. There was no guard.

"Well, that was, uh, anti-climactic," Daniel noted.

"Wow, he really is small potatoes." Cam said as they headed down the hall towards the hanger bays. "How do you think he even got his hands on a ha'tak?"

"Salvaged it from the looks of things." Sam pointed to some scorch marks in one of the darker passageways.

Teal'c led them down to a lower deck. "It was likely abandoned as scrap by Cronus years ago."

"Why Cronus?" Cam asked.

"Symbols on the doorways." Jackson twirled his finger as they passed. "One size does not necessarily fit all."

Cam almost laughed out loud at the crazy shit he got to do on a daily basis. Sneaking around an alien spaceship pyramid with guys on missions to save the galaxy. He didn't dismiss the idea he was feeling a bit punch-drunk from the blows to the head he'd suffered. And his bad leg locking up on him. "Damn knees."

The others stopped dead and looked at him as if he were a ghost. "What?"

"Just...nothing." Jackson shook his head, but Cam noticed he'd stepped a bit closer to him. "Had a moment of deja vu. Knees bugging you?"

"Jaffa got me where I was ticklish. No big deal." No way some pissant Goa'uld neither Jackson nor Teal'c'd ever heard of was going to knock him down. "I didn't know knee trouble was inherent."

"Yeah, I guess we left the 'kneel before your god' macro out of some of the reports. It got monotonous." Sam smiled as she scouted ahead. "General O'Neill had a few...knee operations over the years. It gave him a bit of trouble sometimes."

"Yeah. I remember him telling me a bit about it." Cam remembered every second of the conversation when O'Neill visited his bedside after Antarctica. His promise of pulling strings to get him any assignment helped give Cam the will to get through therapy. He may no longer be starstruck with his team, but comparison to the general was high praise. "Hey, anytime I get compared to Jack O'Neill I take as a compliment. I'm still stoked from the time Teal'c said I reminded him of O'Neill."

"You did?" The pair looked over at Teal'c with incredulous looks.

"Yeah," Mitchell wasn't sure if he should be insulted or not. "When we were with Vala snowing those bounty hunters to get that souped up cargo ship."

"Indeed." Teal'c had one of those inscrutable looks on his face–well, inscrutable to Cam. It seemed to make perfect sense to the other two because Jackson nodded and Sam made a strangled sound in her throat.

He wanted to pursue the matter, but spotting the shadow of a Jaffa holding a staff weapon arrested that thought. He instead grabbed at Jackson's tac vest with one hand and shoved Carter forward with the other as he yelled, "Get down!"

The staff blast struck harmlessly overhead and Cam rushed the Jaffa in a football tackle that would have made Coach Marshall proud. Seems like Goldy only got second string Jaffa along with everything else. The blow had knocked the wind out of the Jaffa and a few more blows ensured he wouldn't be getting back up. Teal'c had already downed the other two Jaffa that appeared before Cam had gotten back to his feet.

"This way." Sam was already moving with one of the zats Teal'c pilfered while Teal'c handed Jackson the other one and waited for Mitchell while holding a staff weapon. Cam snatched his guy's zat and followed along into the death glider bay.

"You've got to be kidding me."

One two-man dart sat in the massive chamber, and it looked like it had seen better days. "I don't suppose there's a trunk on this thing a couple of us could cram into?" He was careful to say "us" not "you" even though he really wanted to be in one of the pilot's seats.

"Wait, over here." Jackson had found a door...how had he spotted the doorknob so quickly? Cam didn't care how he'd gotten the door open when he spotted the cargo ship Daniel was pointing to in the other bay. He called back to Sam and Teal'c, but they'd already joined him and were headed to the vessel.

After that it was quick work for Sam to disengage the bridge override, check the ship was flyable, climb in and let Teal'c drive them outta this pop stand.

"Whew. Another day of adventures, and we may be home by suppertime. Do you think they've got roast beef in the commissary? I've been dying for that to come through the chow line."

"You're craving commissary food?" Sam wrinkled her nose.

"True enough. Why settle for mountain grub when I can dream about steak...or chicken...or..." Cam's daydreams were short-circuited by the object tossed onto his vest.

"Maybe that'll tide you over." Jackson nodded to the package while he and Sam started opening their own.

"A...Twinkie?" Where had they been stowing those?

"They are delicious cakes with cream filling inside," Teal'c explained.

"Yeah, I know what they are, but..." They'd lost their packs and weapons when they were captured–at least they'd had their vests and GDOs. But...cakes? Cam thought he'd always came prepared. Although, Sam's looked like it had gotten a bit mushed. She was licking filling off her wrapper. "How did...you know what? Never mind."

Cam settled himself back on the floor of the tel'tak and bit into his snack. They were out of Goldy the Goa'uld craptop ha'tak, on their way to a Stargate and home, and eating cake.

Yep, it was a good day.
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